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Thread: Really Bad PlayStation Games!

  1. #1
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    Default Really Bad PlayStation Games!

    Recently someone mentioned how horrible the PSX game "The Fifth Element", based on the movie with the lovely Milla Jovovich and my favoirite action guy Bruce Willis. I had only played the game briefly at an E3 years ago and generally don't judge a game based on its pre-release E3 performance.

    Well lo and behold it was in my collection, so I decided to give it a go.

    YIKES.

    Here's where you come in. Think back to the PlayStation (PSX, PSOne) games that made you go "YIKES". The games that have so much wrong with them that it's really hard to begin explaining all of the problems.

    Who's up first?

  2. #2
    Pac-Man (Level 10) Nez's Avatar
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    Ill give it a shot or two even!

    First up is Cubix robots for everyone: Racin Robots, so bad I actually hurt myself playing it. At one point my hatred grew so much that a threw my controller to the floor sadly my foot was in the way OUCH!

    Second Driver 2. The frist driver was ok but the second was a rush job. There was this mission were you had to jump off of a boat and back on to the docks. Well I tried to jump off of the boat with my car going 30 miles perhour flying to the dock nothin in my way I was going to make it. UNTILL THE INVISIBLE WALL OF DOOM! I hit this invisible wall and SPLASH right into the drink. I have no idea how many times I retried that mission but I failed each time. SPLASH!
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    Apple (Level 5) OldSchoolGamer's Avatar
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    Well I played, loved and finished both Driver games but yes the 2nd was mega hard. Anyway, I seem to recollect a horid PSX game called THE ONE or something similiar, if anyone can comment please help......
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    Alex (Level 15) tholly's Avatar
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    I bought Tunnel B-1 for $1 at EB knowing full well that it would probably suck, and low and behold, when I put it in to play.......it sucked. I don't know if I just didn't know what I was doing, but I couldn't get the thing to control too good, and really couldn't figure out what to do with it.
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    Banana (Level 7) SamuraiSmurfette's Avatar
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    Breakout.
    Not only did this game not need a 3D re-release,
    but it certainly didn't need a plot:
    Your paddle must rescue his girlfriend paddle who has been kidnapped!
    WTF!
    I feel ashamed paying money to RENT it.

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    Batman and Robin. I couldn't figure out how to get out of the Batcave. Of course, Batman the Arcade Game sucked, The Crow was abysmal, and Killing Zone is one of the worst fighters I've ever played.

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    I don't have to think back that far...

    ...Rascal Racers

    oh man, talk about a terrible game. I've played FLASH games with more depth, replay and overall entertainment value.

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    Chaos Break- Its like resident evil only crap.

    -Poorly translated unhelpful clues to terribly stupid puzzles.
    -Punching does more damage to enemies than guns do.
    -its set in an underground complex where everything looks the same and there are even dead ends. Dead ends in an underground complex !!!
    -Its really dull.

    Your paddle must rescue his girlfriend paddle who has been kidnapped!
    Hey i know a paddle that had this happen to him :P

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    Key (Level 9) chrisbid's Avatar
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    hooters road trip
    spice world
    speed racer
    battle arena toshinden
    wcw backstage assult

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    When I first got my Playstation I didn't own any games. For a couple of months I just rented games, trying lots of different games out.

    In the fall of '96 I was walking through the mall when I saw a bunch of discount PSX games sitting in a bin. That should have been a red flag -- that a year after launch these games were already in the bargain bin. With caution to the wind, I picked up a spacey, futuristic looking fighting game.

    CRITICOM.

    I just checked IGN's review -- I think their 3.0 overall rating is a bit optimistic, personally.

    First of all, this game has a frame rate of like ... 2. Ok, maybe it's higher than that, but it should have been renamed MOLASSES FIGHTER because that's what it's like. If you like to mash buttons like I do, you will laugh when your fighter is still throwing punches and kicks long after you've stopped hitting buttons.

    Then there's the graphics. At the time, there were some decent cut scenes, but when you got to the actual game it was awful. I haven't played it in forever, but it seems like I remember some of the fighters being made out of about five or six polygons total.

    The worst part of the game was the control system. Moves are done by holding multiple buttons down at the same time instead of in a row. To do a spinning kick you have to hold like triangle, square, and L2 all at the same time. Of course, it takes a second or two to pull off a move, so while the game is deciding whether or not to grant your request, the CPU whomps on you.

    The onyl reason I've kept my copy of Criticom is because I'm sure that sooner or later every other copy of this game is going to be destroyed by frustrated gamers, leaving me with the sole surviving copy of this sucky game.

  11. #11
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    I honestly was having trouble thinking of a Playstation game that I truly hated. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not fond of Sony, but I think the Playstation's software library is pretty solid. Sure, it has its share of duds, but so did the NES. In both cases, I think the good outweighs the bad.

    Anyway, there was just one Playstation game I can think of that really got on my nerves... Irritating Stick. This title had two strikes against it already... it was designed by the creators of that Neo-Geo misfire Shinoken, and it was based on a Japanese game show so obnoxious it makes even Regis Philbin and Jeff "Rectal" Probst seem pleasant by comparison. The third strike was a combination of hideous graphics, simplistic gameplay, and the world's most nerve-wracking soundtrack. What's most pathetic is that a similar game was released on the Neo-Geo, and it was five times the game Irritating Stick was despite being made for a much older system.

    I bought Irritating Stick for five dollars. To this day I still wish I had my five dollars back.

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    Ryu Hayabusa (Level 16) Rogmeister's Avatar
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    Now call me crazy...

    You're Crazy!
    ...but I liked Battle Arena Toshinden...the original anyway. I never played any of the subsequent editions. I thought it had a fair amount of charm with the somersaults or cartwheels you could do to get out of the way and everything.

    The first baseball game for the system was quite lame...Bases Loaded' 96: Double-Header or some such (I'm not sure that's the exact title). Very lame gameplay and the players actually looked like mannequins. And was there even any play-by-play announcing? I can't remember...

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    Eternal Eyes...

    *shudders*

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    I've got around 250 PSX games in my collection. Allot of them I picked up from EB for $3 or less, so I admit I have allot of cheapie stinkers in the lot. But the worst PSX game by far in my collection is Time Commando by Activision. The graphics aren't bad, but it has the most sluggish controls I've ever experienced in a game. Press the punch button and your guy will respond a couple seconds later. The battles are ridiculously long and drawn-out too. I was checking out online reviews of this game from back in the day and couldn't believe some of them were actually favorable. This game should have never of been released!

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    Hexen

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    i actually LIKE terrible games (well, the ones with interesting aspects to their badness), but sometimes you run across games that make you go at what's going on... for example:

    danger girl- a horny fanboy's dream does NOT a playable game make. this game makes any andy sedaris film look like return of the king. it does such a good job of thrusting polygon t & a in your face that it makes you immune to the real thing (well, that's what i've heard)...

    steel harbinger- in the future, the world will be saved by a half-naked cyber babe who walks like her thong is too tight AND her heels too high to move, while enemies respawn on all sides and run in front of the occasional hostage that you have to save, causing you to shoot them both. well, at least a sequel wasn't made...

    excalibur 2555 A.D.- the REALLY poor man's tomb raider. featuring perhaps the most unattractive female character ever in a ps game, klunky action sequences, and some really interesting voice acting that sounds like a bottle was passed around during the v.o. sessions. one of those games where if you don't pick up a certain item in a certain spot, you're screwed forever and have to restart from the beginning...

    o.d.t.- sort of the cosmic twin to the fifth element. poor in every aspect, the game just feels so rushed that even when (or if) you get used to the twitchy action and platforming, you'll still run across enemies that make you want to stomp all over your ps one controller.

    planet of the apes- the dc version was killed, but this snuck out and stunk up the cage something awful. not as awful as the remake, but when the best thing in the game is the title screen, you're in for a real "treat"...

    psybadek- a futuristic snowboarding platformer (!) by psygnosis that i don't think i recall anyone ever finishing because of the mind-popping, goofy level design and pesky enemies.

    largo winch- even the title is bad. it's a stealth/action game with no action or stealth that actually works very well, and yep, that's the main character's name (largo=big, i guess, so he's got a big winch? making this bad joke was the ONLY fun i had with this game)

    sentient- great idea, really sloppy excecution. i'd actually like to see someone do this idea over with much better visuals and some actual reliable control scheme...

    bug riders- ummmm... riiiight. break out the raid. a racer where you can only move forward, and turning requires whipping your ride like it's a leather-covered VW beetle with a bad transmission...

    nightmare creatures 2- take an ok original game with repetitive gameplay and make it worse by turning it into an even more mindless button masher with no plot. the dreamcast version looks like it actually uses the playstation assests and adds texture smoothing and more filtering.

    overblood- love the title screen/intro, techical stuff like the switchable camera angles and some of the gameplay ideas. but the monsters look stupid, the characters can't run worth a damn, and at one point you can click on and get killed by an armless, legless statue! the hysterical thing about that last part is in the much better sequel (overblood 2, which has nothing at all to do with the first game), there's a statue in that game as well as an in-joke to folks who fell for it in the first game. when you go to look at it, if you click on it, it falls and kills you as well!

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    Default worst PSX

    I was going to mention Planet of the Apes but Greg beat me to it. That game may have the worst fighting engine ever conceived.

    Street Racquetball and Putter Golf are two horrible budget titles. The players in Street Racquetball have no arms and legs (think Rayman) and the ball in Putter Golf is square.

    Fighter Maker is in a league of its own. I wouldn't even call it a "bad game". Bad software maybe. Or a reason to give up religion, perhaps.

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    Apple (Level 5) Retsudo's Avatar
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    "Iron and Blood" comes to mind when you ask about bad Playstation games.

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    Ryu Hayabusa (Level 16) Rogmeister's Avatar
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    Of course, no bad Playstation thread can go long without someone mentioning Bubsy 3D...or V.I.P.

    Has anyone here played Fantastic Four? I've heard that's awful but never had the pleasure (pain) to play it myself...

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    I'll second Criticom (which I dub Criti-Crap, though there was 1 background in the game I liked, the Meteor background) and must mention a game that really left a bad taste in my mouth:

    Perfect Weapon. Ugh.

    I also didn't care for Battle Arena Toshiden 3 (I loved the 1st 2 games) mostly because they got rid of the pits and replaced them with barriers so you can't fall off...

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    SaGa Frontier made me want to stab myself in the face. The second one wasn't as bad...but...it was pretty "meh."

    I also don't care for any of the Syphon Filters, after the original. Same with the Spyro series on the Playstation.
    RIP Kamino. 1984-2010. Yes, yes I do like nes...

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  22. #22
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    Ah, thanks Joe. Just love this topic. Now to pull just a few bad ones out of my more than 500 PSOne games......

    A coupla stinkers for everyone


    V.I.P.
    This is one of the worst games ever. You play as the different members of the V.I.P. detective agency. But they each can only do 1 thing. Pam beats people up with her Purse and you activate it by doing the D-pad in a pattern. One other character does a whole Hogans Alley thing. By and far one of the worst PSOne games EVAR!

    The Mary-Kate & Ashley Trilogy
    Nuff Said.


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    Well, I picked up this PSX game I hadn't seen anyone mention yet cause I saw it in a rental store and it was a longbox game. It was Kileak: The DNA operative or something like that. Well, I could tell it was horrible but I picked it up anyways cause it was cheap and it is abyssmal. It's not even on the shelf with my other stuff. It's just thrown on the floor of the closet. Where I can't see it....and where it will stay.

  24. #24
    Banana (Level 7) davidleeroth's Avatar
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    Two words, Lone Soldier.
    All the way from the cover art to the back insert stating a Play magazine score of 92%, it truly is the biggest pile of fertilizer I have come across.

    Found the front cover, just look at it:

    http://jaltet.free.fr/PSX_L/LoneSoldier.jpg

    "I never should the games I sold and I have replaced them but they are not the game just a hollow shell of the same game." -RugalSizzler

  25. #25
    Great Puma (Level 12) Jasoco's Avatar
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    I have TONS of crappy PSX games I didn't buy to play. I even have Hooters: Road Trip, V.I.P. and Irritating Stick. I've come close to buying Steel Harbinger many times and have the Saturn version of Criticom.

    I don't think Hexen sucks. Actually, I have both the Saturn and PSX version. I just find the PSX one hard to control given the default controls, and the shitty controller.

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