Worst. Beat-em-up. Ever.

[Icarus Moonsight]

It's obviously Bebe's Kids.

[Hawksmoor]

I have to second Last Battle as being the worst brawler I've ever played. I consider myself to be quite the connoisseur of the genre, and it doesn't get much worse than Last Battle.

[Jorpho]

If Pit Fighter doesn't really count, surely some thought must be given to Guardians of the 'Hood, its scrolling sequel?
http://bbh.marpirc.net/hood/

"Rival Turf"

stinks like "Final Fight" clone even so much as having a frail Cody clone. The only good part was probably the other guy who looked like some former Soviet Officer




"Combatribes" has some weak play control as well.

Weren't they all part of the same "Rushing Beat" trilogy in Japan, along with The Peace Keepers?

If portables count, the worst beat-em up you will ever play is Double Dragon 3 on the black-and-white Gameboy.

Was that the one that was originally a Kunio-kun game? No, wait, that was Double Dragon 2.

[diskoboy]

The Bouncer on PS2 gets my vote.

Total crap and a half.

[c2000]

KA-GE-KI on the genesis.

[TheDomesticInstitution]

Kung-Fu Heroes on NES (is this technically a beat-em-up?), and I'll second Ninja Clowns... I've played that one on a MAME cabinet- what a weird load of crap.

[bangtango]

Was that the one that was originally a Kunio-kun game? No, wait, that was Double Dragon 2.

Yes, that was Gameboy Double Dragon 2. Funny thing is that even though it was a totally different game under the Double Dragon banner, it wasn't half bad. It had nothing to do with the DD storyline, as you see it in the arcade or even the NES games, but it was still playable. Decent control, a reasonable difficulty level, good level design, all right music and graphics that were about average for the time. Granted the enemies were a little bland and Billy Lee had a completely different set of moves not seen in the other DD games.

Of course the first Double Dragon game on Gameboy or Double Dragon Advance (GBA) are obviously the best DD games you'll see on Gameboy.

[Chuplayer]

The brawling segments of Bayou Billy are unplayable. The game had so much potential just to have 1/3 of it force it down the crapper, too.

[neogamer]

I thought The Bouncer was pretty bad, but I hear it does have fans.

Some say it will become rare and in demand. I don't know!

[Rob2600]

Don't forget:

Double Dragon (Atari 2600)
Total Recall (NES)
Dirty Harry (NES)
Fist of the North Star (NES)
Batman Forever (SNES)
Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero (PlayStation and N64)

[Vroomfunkel]

Don't forget:

Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero (PlayStation and N64)

They ain't got nothing on the dire-ness that is Mortal Kombat Mythologies for the Genesis (the dodgy pirate hack that I got recently). Trust me - there can be no worse beat 'em up ... as I understand it, it is only actually possible to complete using a Game Genie. Although why you would even want to do so remains a mystery to me!

[scooby105]

I believe that Bad Street Brawler, Bop N' Rumble, and Street Hassle were all the same game, save for some sprite variations.

Bop N' Rumble. It's the one where you look like Hulk Hogan and you fight Gorillas, blind men and old ladies. I'm not kidding.

Besides kicking and punching, you can also swing the people around and throw them, or do this weird noogie type move where you attack the sides of their neck, they go into convlusions, and die.

Beating up the blind people with the white canes is kind of fun though.

This was one of my favorite games on the Commodore 64. Go figure.

I always thought Double Dragon 3 for the NES sucked big-time. It was way too hard. I beat it way back when. It wasn't any fun at all though. You just had to continually jump kick guys back and forth. I like button mashing, not jump kicking.

[Cafeman]

Cosmic Carnage , Sega 32x. A'RGH! What a bad fighter.

[Push Upstairs]

"Batman Returns" for the SNES isn't the worst but it is pretty mediocre.

Limited, basic moves make this game pretty tame.

[XianXi]

Ninja Combat on the Geo was pretty bad too:

I actually prefer Ninja Combat over Sengoku 3. Seriously. Sengoku 3 has bad flow, takes too long to kill regular enemies.

[Radiac]

What, no Sword of Sodan love, err... hate?

This game blows in every possible way. It is topped only by Air Cars as the worst game I've ever played.

[Celestial Avenger]

Batman Forever for Sega Genesis
Double Dragon 3 for Sega Genesis.

Double Dragon III for NES is actually a good game, except the cheap combo hits are just unforgivable. Is there any other beat-em-up where you'll get knocked down, but since you're too close to the enemy, once you get up you'll get your ass knocked right back down again until you lose 50% of your health?

I can totally beat DD3 without relying on the cyclone spin kick. I'll post a video with a playthrough (and commentary) soon.

Some hints:
1) If you kick someone and grab them with Billy, the other enemy just waits around and does nothing, or his jump kicks/knives/projectiles don't even hit you.
2) Use Chin to blow through Stages 3, 4, and the first part of Stage 5. Just stay to the left, move to the top and bottom of the screen to avoid getting jump-kicked. It lures the enemy to walk up or down to you (usually), and you can just use your mighty fists to floor their ass.
3) The ninja is useless. I use him to run forward in Stage 4 when the first part is clear, I use him at the platforming part in the start of Stage 5, and I use him when you first get inside the pyramid. I could be missing something, but all-around he's just almost useless.
4) Save your Nunchucks and Iron Claws for the boss. Always.

The cyclone spin kick helps, but Billy's grabs and Chin's fists are where it's at.

[PentiumMMX]

Don't forget Bad Dudes on the NES as well as Batman on the Saturn.

Bad Dudes was so cheezy it was awesome. Anyway, here's some I rememeber that sucked:

- Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (Game Boy): The rangers move at snail speed, punch insanly quick, and putties come at you at high speeds.

- Double Dragon (Atari 2600): The Atari just couldn't handle this with only 1 button.

[colicub]

I seriously can't believe no-one mentioned Black Hole Assault on the Mega CD (fighting robots - how could they get it wrong?) or Rise Of The Robots on, well, anything (fighting robots - oh, that's how they could get it so horribly horribly wrong!).

Oh, and then there's Masters Of Combat on the Master System, Streets Of Rage 3 on the Mega Drive, and the Mega Drive conversion of Captain America & The Avengers....

[Rob2600]

"Batman Returns" for the SNES isn't the worst but it is pretty mediocre.

Limited, basic moves make this game pretty tame.

Batman Returns (Konami) on the SNES was good. Are you sure you don't mean Batman Forever (Acclaim) on the SNES?

It's as if Acclaim took the game Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero, dressed the characters up in Batman outfits, and called it Batman Forever. The characters have the same exact animation and moves as they do in Mortal Kombat, except the game is unplayable.