The 6 Most Retarded Gaming Consoles Ever Released (according to cracked.com)

[Pantechnicon]

http://www.cracked.com/article_16824_6-most-retarded-gaming-consoles-ever-released.html

I don't even know why I'm starting this thread, but let the hate begin.

Cracked can be pretty funny at times, but their explain-everything-on-the-level-of-a- drunken-frat-boy approach to humor does a great disservice to some of the consoles on this list. I take particular objection to the Vectrex at #3. If you can't appreciate the aesthetic beauty of real non-emulated vector graphics, then please get the hell off my lawn.

[smork]

Um, Vectrex Pole Position looks heaps better than VCS Pole Position. When I was a kid I had a VCS and would have killed for a Vectrex. Vectrex hatred is pure revisionism.

And Epoch never releasing another system? How about the Super Cassette Vision?

A list of bad systems without a game.com?

Hmm, I love Cracked, but they should go back to the drawing board on this one.

[DigitalSpace]

A list of bad systems without a game.com?

Yeah, talk about a glaring omission. I'd take the Vectrex off the list and replace it with that.

[Vectorman0]

...


The grounds they used for putting the Vectrex on there would also perfectly fit the Gameboy/Pocket.

[Coldguy]

...did they insult the vectrex, supergraphix AND the nomad in the same article. Are these guys high? At least on my list I had the CDI, tiger electronic handhelds, and the game.com (don't get me started on that piece of shit).

Article is fail.

[Draven]

Oh boy....here we go....I know I'm going to get skewered for this one, but what's a game.com?

[98PaceCar]

Oh boy....here we go....I know I'm going to get skewered for this one, but what's a game.com?

A good system to not know about. Truly and utterly crap.

I'm pretty sure that the Cassettevision was not the first Japanese console. I believe that honor belongs to the Bandai Supervision 8000, but that may have been too obscure for their obviously pathetic research attempts to find.

[eugenek]

Seriously, some of you guys need to lighten up. It's Cracked.com, not the Encyclopedia Britannica. Sometimes you just pick a system that's easiest to write jokes about. Big deal. Wasn't that funny anyway, but who cares?

[jcalder8]

What a waste of a list. Game.com was the first system I thought of.

[doubledownon11]

I'm a little disappointed that the Jaguar or 3DO weren't mentioned. Those consoles sucked!

[blue lander]

They also showed a screenshot of a Super Cassette Vision game (Miner 2049er I think), not a Cassette Vision game. Retarded list.

[otoko]

A good system to not know about. Truly and utterly crap.

Hmm.. Ah that one.. Wasn't it the one to advertise "It has more games than you have brain cells!"


hmm.. Didn't it have about 20ish games?

[FlufflePuff]

I'm amazed they didn't go after the Virtual Boy. They could use the exact same logic to knock the VB as they did the Vectrex. Either way, the list sucks as do most lists.

[otoko]

Hey, if you go to the next article you will find inconsistencies.


The Power Glove was the most awesome looking accessory Nintendo had ever made.

The Japanese manufacturer of the glove went bankrupt, though Mattel (the US manufacturer) did better thanks to The Wizard convincing kids to buy it (that is, forcing their parents to buy it for them).

[skaar]

I quite liked:


It was at that point the gaming public stood up, pointed out the door and said, "Vectrex, get the fuck out of my office."

[Trebuken]

The Microvision could have been added.

Also, since they brought up price, they probably could have included the Laseractive.

How about Nuon?

[98PaceCar]

Hmm.. Ah that one.. Wasn't it the one to advertise "It has more games than you have brain cells!"


hmm.. Didn't it have about 20ish games?

Not sure how it was advertised. I was lucky enough to not notice it when it was in the stores. It had some interesting ideas, but just didn't have enough power to make a good competitor for the other handhelds of the day. It was the first to have a touchscreen and had some pretty good licenses, but never did anything with them.

I think it's pretty close to 20 games. Also has a modem and internet pack. It's an interesting piece to own, but only to have something to laugh at (or for your friends to use against you)!

[Mr. Smashy]

I wonder why they'd show a Bonk game for the SuperGrafx and Sonic the Hedgehog: Triple Trouble for the Game Gear (http://www.mobygames.com/game/game-gear/sonic-the-hedgehog-triple-trouble/screenshots/gameShotId,213456/) to make the Nomad look crappy. They could have done better.

[Draven]

Oh boy....here we go....I know I'm going to get skewered for this one, but what's a game.com?

Okay. After a little research on the 'net I remember this thing now. I had completely forgotten about it, but I remember wanting to get one. I thought it looked amazing. I remember regretting my Game Gear purchase instead of the Game Boy when my batteries died so quickly, but at least I didn't end up with this thing!!

[Rob2600]

Um, Vectrex Pole Position looks heaps better than VCS Pole Position.

I've always thought the VCS (Atari 2600) version of Pole Position was very well done.

[Pantechnicon]

I think {game.com is} pretty close to 20 games. Also has a modem and internet pack. It's an interesting piece to own, but only to have something to laugh at (or for your friends to use against you)!

I've always had this perverse compulsion to defend the game.com, of which I am proud owner of a CIB system. Yes, it's complete ass as far as gameplay is concerned, but look at how many of game.com's innovations made their way onto - wait for it - the Nintendo DS.

- Stylus-based gameplay
- Integrated internet connectivity
- Dual cart slots

See? Ahead of its time in so many ways. Where's the love? game.com is to handheld gaming what the XFL was to the NFL: An also-ran that promptly bit the dust, but not before offering up a few innovations eventually picked up on by the establishment (and therein finally regarded as "innovative" :roll:).

game.com definitely belongs on the `tard list, though.

[Flack]

About a year ago I applied to be a writer for Cracked.com. They never picked up any of my articles, but I thought you all might enjoying understanding how the process works.

Cracked has a forum, much like this one. They also have an area for aspiring writers. As far as I know, anyone who asks for access is granted it (I certainly had no impressive credentials when I was granted access). So the way it works is this -- all day long people post ideas for articles. "Top 10 ways to eat spaghetti." "Top six ways to do this." "Top nine things for that." And so on. The article doesn't need to be written at this point, but a few details helps.

If a moderator or editor thinks your article has legs, they move it to another area for consideration. That's when the real fleshing out begins. Some people do group work, others write their stuff alone. When it's done, if the editors like it, it gets posted on the front page. That's it. I was really disappointed when I learned how it all worked. It's not a group of writers, sitting around brainstorming like I had hoped. In reality it's a forum, where the best posts get put on the site. That's it.

And if that videogame article was one of the better ones, you can imagine the ones that don't make the cut -- and there are a lot of them.

[Tupin]

Wow, what bad choices.

[Kid Ice]

I'm a little disappointed that the Jaguar or 3DO weren't mentioned. Those consoles sucked!

Really? Tell us about the Jaguar and 3DO games you've played.

[Daft Punk]

really the nomad rocks! They must not have ever heard of the r-zone either.

[SegaAges]

Ah, how they gonna hate on the Nomad?
Dude, VB is way worse, and this is coming from somebody who owns a ntsc fullset, hahaha

[otoko]

Ah, how they gonna hate on the Nomad?
Dude, VB is way worse, and this is coming from somebody who owns a ntsc fullset, hahaha

Yup.. I do too.. I love my virtual boy, it's a fun conversation piece... but it is a turd in the unflushed toilet known as the video game market.

[Tupin]

really the nomad rocks! They must not have ever heard of the r-zone either.
The only thing bad about the Nomad was the battery life.

The problem was, people didn't have really use rechargeable batteries at this point because they were (and still are) more expensive.

[eugenek]

The only thing bad about the Nomad was the battery life.

The problem was, people didn't have really use rechargeable batteries at this point because they were (and still are) more expensive.

Only? How about:

-The terrible screen
-The faint, static-laced audio
-The cumbersome size and shape
-Even so much as accidentally tapping the cart jutting out the top makes the system freeze
-The tiny text

[Iron Draggon]

Really? Tell us about the Jaguar and 3DO games you've played.

that's what I was thinking... lots of stinkers for sure, but lots of greats too...

[Tupin]

Only? How about:

-The terrible screen
-The faint, static-laced audio
-The cumbersome size and shape
-Even so much as accidentally tapping the cart jutting out the top makes the system freeze
-The tiny text
The only ways they could have made the cartridge look good in the Nomad was have it the way it is, or make the thing a few inches taller so it would sit flush.

[Pantechnicon]

I'm a little disappointed that the Jaguar or 3DO weren't mentioned. Those consoles sucked!

Semantics time.

This is the problem with a list like this one categorizing consoles as "retarded" as opposed to just "sucky"; one is prone to interpreting these things via any number of tangents. I'm quite a fan of the Jaguar myself, and while there's no doubt that it was a failed console insofar as the market was concerned, I don't see anything in the Jag's design that I would consider "retarded".

That goes for the Vectrex as well. Sure, there were color consoles everywhere in 1982, but even so the Vectrex made a certain amount of sense at the time. Vector arcade machines were still quite en vogue, and the idea of a console with its own screen had a utilitarian appeal at a time when most homes had only one television. Mom and Dad could watch M*A*S*H while little Kate and Nathan Jr. could play their games.

[Pantechnicon]

Yup.. I do too.. I love my virtual boy, it's a fun conversation piece... but it is a turd in the unflushed toilet known as the video game market.

Same here. Virtual Boy and Vectrex, what I call my "V-Twins"; two completely unique and weird hardware platforms with (imo, anyway) more than a few great games apiece.

[eugenek]

The only ways they could have made the cartridge look good in the Nomad was have it the way it is, or make the thing a few inches taller so it would sit flush.

I didn't say that the look of the cartridge was a negative.

With that said, I don't know I'd give the engineers a pass without seeing the internals myself.

[jb143]

-Even so much as accidentally tapping the cart jutting out the top makes the system freeze


I've heard seveal people mention this several different places but I've never noticed it in normal use. The only time was when fun having seeing how high I could stack things into it for my avatar picture. I was able to play it but the slightest wrong move froze it up. I still need to try to get a 32X to work.

[otoko]

I didn't say that the look of the cartridge was a negative.

With that said, I don't know I'd give the engineers a pass without seeing the internals myself.

Eh.. grain of salt.

Although I have not really experienced what seems to be the common gripe of that system. My nomad has not yet freezed on me. Well, it has... but all those games where known to be dirty. Still, it could just be me and my general experience with mine could me much more limited...

hmm..

[Famidrive-16]

I didn't even know the Nomad took batteries. Mine just came with an AC adapter that barely worked.

[SegaAges]

Same here. Virtual Boy and Vectrex, what I call my "V-Twins"; two completely unique and weird hardware platforms with (imo, anyway) more than a few great games apiece.

find 3 more and you could have, dare I say it:
http://content7.flixster.com/question/36/71/14/3671149_std.jpg
THE FLYING V!

(Yes, I am too lazy to think of more and photoshopping them)

There is also the v.smile. Maybe 2 more and photoshop, hahaha

[tcv]

Oy. What dubious choices. Who wants to bet the author didn't play many (any?) of these systems. But, hey, these articles are great for eyeballs and long for fanning flames. I wouldn't doubt they considered the VCS only to realize they would have been had on doing little more than trying to get as many readers as possible.

[c2000]

Totally rubbish list, but hey what do they know. Not much, thats what.

[grolt]

The omg truckload of batteries argument that is always thrown at the Game Gear or Nomad has always been weak. You don't hear people complaining about their Ferrari's needing to take more expensive fuel. As a kid I grew up with a Game Gear and a battery pack on the hip - I played the shit out of that system, and had I done the same on a Game Boy I would have easily spent as much on batteries as I did the entire battery pack. It lasted a long time, I was never cogniscent of the system dying during a game. I haven't played the Nomad, but the differences are a matter of semantics. Even if Nomad lasted for a day, it would still be a system with hundreds of portable games. Most other portable consoles can't claim such. I imagine Nomad got the one just because it's a major company that the frat boy readers can relate to, rather than the more antiquated picks on that list. But yeah, Game.com, N-Gage, 32X, Virtual Boy...where art thou?

[Ze_ro]

Bitch, bitch, bitch. Put up, or shut up.

Here's my version of the same list. I'll dispense with the descriptions of the consoles, since I'm sure you all know them:

Honourable Mention - Neo Geo Pocket & Wonderswan - Okay, so Nintendo is absolutely crushing the market with the Gameboy... how do you combat that? Sega and Atari both tried using advanced technology (ie, colour screens) with no success... so SNK and Bandai try doing it with regular black and white screens? I don't understand what their plan was here, as they didn't seem to have much of an edge, and neither company had much sway with the industry. Both of them came out with colour versions later on, but why didn't they just do that in the first place?

Honourable Mention - SuperGrafx - Very minor upgrade on the PC-Engine. Only a tiny handful of games were released that made use of it. Also, the system used a bizarre form factor that made it not fit into the standard CD-ROM2 docking bay. The name also makes no sense to me... why adapt the TurboGrafx name for a region that never used it? Were they planning on releasing this in North America or something?

6. 32X & Saturn - A lot of people rag on the 32X for being a piece of crap, but my biggest beef is that Sega wanted this to be a bridge to the Saturn, and never followed through on that. There was an opportunity here to make a next-gen system, yet allow 16-bit fans the option to join in. My original hope back in the day would be that games would come out for the Saturn on cartridge or CD-ROM, and that the cartridges would be playable on a 32X. Unfortunately, the hardware for both systems became a giant mess, the 32X got lost in the shuffle, and the Saturn just barely scraped out a niche before getting blown away by the Playstation. I hate to include the Saturn in any list like this, but Sega really botched a whole generation and squandered some interesting possibilities.

5. RCA Studio II - This thing was primitive even for it's time. Even the Channel F managed to easily outdo it's primitive 64x128 black & white graphics. If you can manage to get past the graphics, you're stuck dealing with the poor excuse for controls: a 12-key telephone-style pad... two of which are attached to the system, much like the pong systems that preceded the Studio II (Except without paddles, even pong becomes a disaster for this system). The only innovation the Studio II included was the ability to run a program from the cartridge (Yes, the Channel F beat it to market, but it was still a new concept). The engineers really didn't think this one out very well.

4. Virtual Boy - I love the idea of virtual reality, and this is the only system that really took a serious shot at it. There are just so many flaws with the design of this system that it probably single-handedly killed the whole concept of VR: Monochrome graphics (and using red and black at that), using a stand rather than a head strap, bad screens that made adjustments difficult and headaches common... but foremost: games that never really tried anything beyond some very minor 3D gimmicks. If Nintendo had stuck to it for a while, and got F-Zero, Mario Kart, and Doom out for this thing, it might have been able to prove it's premise, but the design problems were too much even for Nintendo.

3. Game.com - On the surface, it's yet another "me too" Gameboy wannabee, but Tiger actually put some neat ideas into this one. The foremost being the touchscreen (which I'll admit works very well for most games), built-in PDA type functions (albeit very simplistic and not particularly useful), and some attempt at online interactions via a modem. However, the whole thing is sabotaged by one of the worst screens in handheld history (second only to the Game King, which I almost put on this list). Games with action any faster than a snails crawl blur into an unbearable mess.... and can you believe there's a Sonic game on it? Puzzle games, and numerous game-show tie-ins work well enough, but we need more out of a system than just that. Also, what was the point in having a second cartridge slot on it?

2. Action Max - It probably seemed like a good idea at the time to make a game system that used VHS tapes for the games... but this just proves to be incredibly limiting, even moreso than laserdisc, since you don't have the advantage of random access. The games are, of course, identical every time you play them, and every game is a shooting game since it only uses a gun. If they'd put a bit more effort into the system, they might have been able to broaden it enough to play games like Dragon's Lair and claim some kind of a fan base. If it had a built-in VCR, it could have got some sales simply from being able to play movies. On the other hand, perhaps a better option would be to integrate with a weekly television show (ala Captain Power (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Power_and_the_Soldiers_of_the_Future), if anyone else here remembers that) so that you wouldn't even need VHS tapes, and you'd get some semblance of a new experience rather than playing the same old game over and over.

1. R-Zone - Tiger had a lot of success selling their primitive LCD-based handheld games to young kids, so I can see the reason they'd try for this... basically just replacing the screens (which have pre-defined cells for the action) in order to change games. But really, this technology was so far behind the times that it could never even hope to run with the big boys, or even be anything more than a disappointment to any kid that got this for their birthday. Not to mention the ridiculous head-mounted version! Who did they think they were fooling by releasing games like Mortal Kombat 3, Daytona USA, and NiGHTS?

--Zero

[tcv]

Bitch, bitch, bitch. Put up, or shut up.

Here's my version of the same list. I'll dispense with the descriptions of the consoles, since I'm sure you all know them:

It's much easier to bitch. For instance, WHERE'S CDi?! :devilish:

[icbrkr]

@Zero: I'm not sure if I can put 'bad marketing' (i.e., the Saturn) in the same catagory as 'systems that just suck'. Sure it wasn't a powerhouse, but it did have a whole lot of gaming goodness going for it.

Let's see if I can come up with my total sucktacular list:

1. RCA Studio II. I bought this at the CGE 2007 from Ianoid. Hooked it up, fainted in horror, and then quickly put it back in the closet. I fear a console that cannot even play *Pong* right.

2. RZone. I've got the headband model. If I look at it just right, I might see an image. Of course, I have to stand away from the light, close one eye and squint with the other.

3. 32X but I think that's been beaten to death.

4. Aquarius. Is it a computer? Is it a console? With 4K of RAM and 1.7K free when you boot it up, it's more on par with a console than a computer. Remove any sort of character-definable graphics and ensure there are no sprites, and you get a bunch of games that look identical and crappy.

5. The C64GS. I love Commodore, I really do, but to release a 'console' of the C64 in 1990 was a bad, bad idea. So... for $99 I could buy a full computer that can play C64GS games or for $99 I can buy the same thing without a keyboard and ports. Which one do I want? Hmmm.

6. The VIS. I wish I still had mine for obscurity reasons but I took it apart in 1995 hoping the CDROM drive was IDE based so I could use it on my computer.

There's my start anyway.

[CRV]

2. RZone. I've got the headband model. If I look at it just right, I might see an image. Of course, I have to stand away from the light, close one eye and squint with the other.

Does anybody else own the Super Screen besides me?

[Zap!]

The black-and-white RCA Studio II has got to be the worst system ever. Microvision is up there too.

Anyone ever play an Arcadia 2001? I always wanted one, but never got the chance.

[Ze_ro]

@Zero: I'm not sure if I can put 'bad marketing' (i.e., the Saturn) in the same catagory as 'systems that just suck'. Sure it wasn't a powerhouse, but it did have a whole lot of gaming goodness going for it.
Maybe I didn't explain my reasons very well, but my feeling is that bad marketing led to bad hardware, which in the case of the Saturn, largely doomed the consoles for a variety of reasons (expensive to produce, difficult to program, etc). The addition of the 32X into the formula made things a confusing mess to consumers. The Saturn (and Sega themselves) probably would have fared better if they hadn't even bothered with the 32X and just released a few SVP-based Genesis titles to keep the Genesis going a little while longer (Nintendo did well with a similar strategy to tide people over until the N64 came out).


The VIS. I wish I still had mine for obscurity reasons but I took it apart in 1995 hoping the CDROM drive was IDE based so I could use it on my computer.
While the VIS certainly wasn't a very good system, I feel that it more or less accomplished what it set out to do... even if that meant edutainment and multimedia releases dominating the library. I feel the same way about the CD-i... it did a good job at what it was designed for, it's just unfortunate that video games weren't really what they had in mind.

It'll be interesting to see how long it takes before systems like the Hyperscan and XaviXPORT start showing up on these lists. I probably would have included them myself had I any experience with them.

--Zero

[The 1 2 P]

I'm surprised the Nomad made the list. Of course, my system also freezes during certain games so I'm glad it isn't just me. As for the battery issue, I always use my power adapter. I know this would defeat the purpose of it being a take-anywhere portable but I just took my adapter with me when I wanted to play it at work. Problem solved:)

[tomaitheous]

Honourable Mention - SuperGrafx - Very minor upgrade on the PC-Engine. Only a tiny handful of games were released that made use of it. Also, the system used a bizarre form factor that made it not fit into the standard CD-ROM2 docking bay. The name also makes no sense to me... why adapt the TurboGrafx name for a region that never used it? Were they planning on releasing this in North America or something?

Umm. Maybe you've got it the wrong way 'round? The SGX came out in '89. Pretty much along side the US release of the TG16. The CoreGrafx which came out the same time as the other two also used the 'Grafx' title, as did the CoreGrafx II which was released later on. The 'Grafx' title was never a US only thing.

[Ze_ro]

The CoreGrafx which came out the same time as the other two also used the 'Grafx' title, as did the CoreGrafx II which was released later on. The 'Grafx' title was never a US only thing.
Oh right... somehow, I always forget about the CoreGrafx systems... probably because people usually just refer to them as PC-Engine's.

I guess that solves that complaint. Though I would still suggest that the case style is more appropriate for North America... it has that wide footprint like the TurboGrafx-16, with the expansion port sticking out the back. Has anyone ever tried to attach a North American TG-CD to the SuperGrafx?

--Zero

[rbudrick]

As far as I know, anyone who asks for access is granted it (I certainly had no impressive credentials when I was granted access).

You mean besides an awesome book and 12,000 DP posts? I put my 7k posts on my resume.

I jest, but seriously, that's on my resume.

-Rob

[j_factor]

I'm always surprised at how shitty these lists are. It should've been more like:

1. R-Zone
2. Casio Loopy
3. Epoch Cassette Vision (yeah, it belongs)
4. Game King
5. Pokemon Mini
6. Commodore 64GS
(7. RCA Studio II)

[WelcomeToTheNextLevel]

The R-Zone should definitely be on there, preferably as number one. The Casio Loopy is another good candidate. (I got my Loopy for the WTF factor). Gizmondo is another worthy candidate. Game.com is pretty bad. RCA Studio II deserves a spot. Maybe CD-i should be on there too.

Here's what I have to say about their choices:

Magnavox Odyssey 100/200: These are just PONG clones. Perfectly good systems for 1975.
Fairchild Channel F: This was groundbreaking. It came out a year before the Atari VCS (2600), and was outclassed by the VCS. But seriously, the first programmable video game console is retarded?!?!
Epoch Cassette Vision: Fair enough.
Vectrex: This is another good system that wasn't retarded at all. Keep in mind this came out in 1982.
SuperGrafx: The word is "underutilized", not "retarded".
Sega Nomad: It can play the kick-ass Genesis library. Need I say more? Sonic 2 on the go is not retarded.

[Edmond Dantes]

Just saying, I don't think there was a reason to bump a two-year-old thread about a bad article.

Personally I find Cracked a mixed bag. Sometimes they're entertaining, sometimes they're facepalmingly stupid. I tend to find that instances of the latter correlate to how much I know of the subject matter. In other words: Cracked is pretty much always full of bullshit.

That said, sometimes bullshit can be fun (as anyone who reads fantasy novels can attest). It's only annoying here because they try to pass it off as "fact" or "truth."

[tom]

1 NES
2 Game Boy
3 SNES
4 N64
5 Game Cube
6 Mattel HyperScan

[bb_hood]

1 NES
2 Game Boy
3 SNES
4 N64
5 Game Cube
6 Mattel HyperScan

why you hate Nintendo so much?

[SparTonberry]

I also would like a good explanation on the Nintendo consoles.

Of course the N64 made the fatal flaw of using cartridges (and I hear its texture cache was another limiting factor), but wasn't it otherwise the most raw-powerful of its generation? And Nintendo did emphasize the faster ROM speed, so it wasn't a completely brainless decision. One flaw does not make a console "retarded", just bad judgment.
Well, didn't Saturn have more CPUs than anyone could figure out what to do with? :P That was pretty dumb too (although I hear it still managed to get quite a number of good Japanese games)

[Tanooki]

You want bad judgement I'll give you one. The Wii U.

I was on the phone for awhile last night and brought up the problems and future of that as he's a producer for a third party developer and there's things that don't get out there known about it. For instance, I had made a joke that maybe this year at E3 Nintendo will announce it fellated and bribed heavily third parties to get the games. Seems they actually did attempt that (as much as they're willing.) They don't seem to grasp what the cost of HD is over SD and as such the money and help they're begging to offer no one wants anything to do with as they'd lose money on the projects. The system is stuck with the tablet because of the design so they can't just sell it without as people online talk of to cut costs under $200. The system with its unique way the processor works you can't cleanly or easily port stuff, which is why most people won't. And many third parties within a year are looking to ditch the PS3 and especially the 360 in favor of their replacement, so stuff that was being pondered for a porting, they're not. WiiU basically going forward at best can hope to eek out a solitary existence with a smattering of games on discs, much just as downloads from indies and virtual console just hanging on as they're not likely to pull a virtual boy on it.

MIght as well throw that shit right the top of the pile or near it. For this 2 year old bumped thread.

Nintendo was warned by developers. Nintendo was begged by them to make certain designs in making WiiU which they said no to telling them they'd make games for the system provided, which clearly they're not. They cut corners and made a solid entry of a system, had it come out, 4-5 years ago and made it cost too much due to the tablet. Porting is a whore so no one is going to do that unless they really want to, and with that market drying up there won't be much to port and with little base they won't port over old games that sold a lot to it either. There's your retarded right there.

[SparTonberry]

I know Microsoft bribed some JRPG developers to try to get 360 sales in Japan off timed exclusives, and I hear the console somehow sold worse than the original there.

[TonyTheTiger]

Seriously, some of you guys need to lighten up. It's Cracked.com, not the Encyclopedia Britannica. Sometimes you just pick a system that's easiest to write jokes about. Big deal. Wasn't that funny anyway, but who cares?

Agreed. The hard part is that if you were to pick the actual most retarded consoles you'd end up with a list of such pointless obscure nonsense you wouldn't be able to make any jokes. And for it to be funny the readers would need a frame of reference.

EDIT:

Just saying, I don't think there was a reason to bump a two-year-old thread about a bad article.

Dammit I gotta start looking at dates before replying.

[synbiosfan]

http://i730.photobucket.com/albums/ww310/retrogamecollectorjim/More%20Stuff/DSC03360-1.jpg

[BlastProcessing402]

Just saying, I don't think there was a reason to bump a two-year-old thread about a bad article.

Two? Going by the dates, looks like it was almost 5 and a half years between the last old post and the new bump.

And most of Cracked's articles are pretty retarded anyway, nothing to lose sleep over.

[xelement5x]

http://i730.photobucket.com/albums/ww310/retrogamecollectorjim/More%20Stuff/DSC03360-1.jpg

Lol, love it!

[goldenband]

Heh, I posted something similar when someone on AtariAge (http://atariage.com/forums/topic/199950-can-the-jaguar-do-what-the-neo-geo-did/page-3#entry2554558) claimed that "The Jaguar can do anything a lesser console can do, and better":

http://i59.tinypic.com/288aon.jpg

The guy's reply was "lots of 4chan kids here", which is hilarious because I'm just about the opposite of that in every conceivable way. I suspect he didn't get the joke.

[o.pwuaioc]

The guy's reply was "lots of 4chan kids here", which is hilarious because I'm just about the opposite of that in every conceivable way. I suspect he didn't get the joke.
That's high voltage for ya. You're lucky he didn't accuse you shoving Japanese controls down his throat.

[OrdinaryOtaku]

They seriously should take the Fairchild Channel F off of the list and they should also take off the Vectrex. They both were very good consoles. Why didn't they put the 32X and the Sega CD on the list? They do count as consoles, because they each have their own different libraries of games.:roll:

[Tanooki]

The Fairchild isn't even fair, it was the first cart based console and had a good many games for the period and market it was shooting for. The Vectrex that is up to personal feelings I suppose as it was super unique for sure and it does have an ok supply of games but just didn't last long.

[Buyatari]

Vectrex should never have made this list.

Game.com, R-zone and Adventurevision need to start any such list.

[GamerTheGreek]

The 3 systems I would put on this list include

Game.com
Nintendo Virtual Boy
and the Atari 5200. ( I never did get over the crappy controllers. )

[MidnightRider]

Just read the entry on the Channel F. That's either some revisionist history, or someone not knowing what they're talking about, while opening their mouth(keyboard?) anyway.

It was a victim of the first crash, it didn't even last long enough to compete with Atari. You'd think mentioning that it was the first cartridge console would give one the right idea of how it went to begin with.

[evildead2099]

There are just so many flaws with the design of [the Virtual Boy] that it probably single-handedly killed the whole concept of VR: Monochrome graphics (and using red and black at that)...

If the Virtual Boy had to be monochrome, what two colours would go better than black and red? Black and puke, like the original Gameboy? I don't think it's possible for monochrome video games to be aesthetically pleasing on the same level of multi-coloured PC/Console games.

[PreZZ]

The nomad?!? It was an awesome console, but the rechargeable battery and bad screen were OK back then, now they suck. Just a simple mod to put a new screen and mod a battery pack, and it's still awesome!

[Tanooki]

Nomad doesn't deserve a spot, it was a solid system to have and it ran a quality feed to a television too. I used it as my only Genesis for years when I had one so really I never ran it off batteries as it was (is) just too bulky to stick in a pocket to really be a portable. One game I really did enjoy shoving through it to the television was Virtua Racing.