The Law of Video Games

[JohnnyBlaze]

I was going through my documents, when I saw something that I started but haven't touched since. Since we are all game players here, I'm giving you all the opportunity to add to this list.

This is a list of laws in a video game. Kinda like Murphy's law or things like that.

Here's what I have so far:

-If you fall into a body of water, chances are that you will die

-When you need to make a small jump, you will jump too far

-When you need to make a big jump, you will jump too short

-It's okay to eat food off the ground, you'll gain health

-If you go on vacation, your girlfriend will be kidnapped

-Every barrel that gets hit WILL explode, no matter what the contents

-Even a jackass can own an island inhabited by chicks with big breasts

-Need a car, just steal it!

-People just love playing the same level or beating the same creature(s) over and over again in order to "level up"

-People just love backtracking to pick up a required item


Pick it up from here!

[Pezcore343]

-If it moves, DESTROY IT!

-Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training

-If someone dies, they disappear

-If you get mad enough, you can fight even better

-You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters

-Death is reversible (only for you!)

-Ninjas are common, and frequently fight in public

-Whenever big fat mean guys are about to croak, they flash red or yellow

-All women wear revealing clothing and have great bodies

-Shoot EVERYTHING. If it blows up or dies, it was bad

-One lone "good guy" can defeat and infinite number of "bad guys"

(Taken from a poster hanging in my room entitled "Things You Learn From Video Games")

[ccovell]

-All women wear revealing clothing and have great bodies

Not the mama in DJ Boy, thank god...

[FantasiaWHT]

All evil geniuses stock their lairs with items designed to make their enemies even stronger.

[The 1 2 P]

-The monotony of every shooter/action/horror/adventure/racing game will be broken up with random mindbending puzzles that ultimately make no sense

-Your hero character can brush off rocket launchers and grenades as if you were from the planet Krypton, even if you are a wimpy kid who rides a skateboard

-At the end of the game you will have only won a small battle, as the war will surely continue in the inevitable flood of sequels

[Ro-J]

If you're required to jump on platforms, there will eventually be an ice level.

[Ruudos]

- Only touching your enemy can hurt you, or worse you'll die directly.

[jb143]

- Only touching your enemy can hurt you, or worse you'll die directly.

...yet they don't get hurt at all.

[Garry Silljo]

-When you need to make a small jump, you will jump too far

-When you need to make a big jump, you will jump too short


Um .... yeah, if you suck.

[gjackx]

If you're required to jump on platforms, there will eventually be an ice level.
An ice level that will take some time to learn...since they are all a little bit different.

[Pezcore343]

An ice level that will take some time to learn...since they are all a little bit different.

-And a water level

-All water levels are required to suck tons of ass

[Mobius]

Arch enemies never die the first time, they just change form and you keep fighting.

[kupomogli]

-When you need to make a small jump, you will jump too far

-When you need to make a big jump, you will jump too short


Um .... yeah, if you suck.

Being a huge platformer fan, thought the reply was funny.

---

-If a sword is the size of a character, the smallest person must carry it.

-All female robots must be built to look like scantily clad little girls and will usually look the same.

-Robots with guns are required to take off more damage per hit than robots with swords.

[Sonicwolf]

- Just because you can see it doesn't mean you can go to it.

- Sometimes the air contains an invisible wall you cannot penetrate.

[Pezcore343]

-There is no law stating that you can not break into someone's house, sometimes while they are home, and rifle through their things to find money or useful items. It is actually encouraged.

-Things like swords, guns, bombs, and drugs that restore your "health" are readily available in many retail stores throughout the world, and don't cost much more than a week's allowance.

[Queen Of The Felines]

- Spellcasters in RPGs must either be blonde chicks, Asian chicks, or old guys with beards.

- Every game must contain a crate, a barrel, a cardboard box, and/or a mine cart. Even the sports games.

- You can withstand damage from grenades, rocket launchers, sword stabbings, machine gun fire, and being run over by a tank, but you can be knocked out cold by a punch thrown during a cut scene.

- Zombies have armor-plated skulls. While headshots are usually the only way to cause permanent death, it'll still usually take more than one bullet to the face to take them down. (You'd think a bullet would rip through a zombie skull pretty easily, with all the rotting and stuff.)

[staxx]

If you can't shoot through it, you can't go through it.

[Push Upstairs]

(Taken from a poster hanging in my room entitled "Things You Learn From Video Games")

I have this, but in shirt form.

[CDiablo]

-The best way to open a crate is shoot it.

-If you ever get shot, just wait behind cover and everything will be okay.

[Sonicwolf]

- The average level boss will have three and only three hitpoints.

[Pezcore343]

- The average level boss will have three and only three hitpoints.

-And just as many forms.

[todesengel]

- The sewer level is always the worst level.

[Sonicwolf]

- Space dogfights must have sound effects and earth-atmosphere physics.

[HappehLemons]

- Games do not endorse the act of climbing over small walls and would much rather prefer you use the door that needs a key instead.

[123►Genei-Jin]

- Eating walking mushrooms makes you stronger.
- You can walk on clouds.
- All Vampires are goth rock band rejects.
- Rats are always bigger than cats.
- Hell is inside a volcano full of cathedrals.

[kupomogli]

-Every character can only equip one or two weapons and a set of armor, but they can carry 72498 other sets as well as 10,000 pounds of food, 200 boxes of ammo, 4 axles, 7 wheels, four horses, a chainsaw, a land rover, and a yummy fish.

-An enemy may take your entire party to beat, but when you get him/her on your team, they're usually weaker than most of your current characters.

-There may be 500,000 houses and stores, but only four of those are able to be entered.

-Prostitutes can resuscitate a dying character by sitting in the car next to them.

[Hep038]

Bee's are deadly to everyone.

[actofgod]

-Every end boss lives in a sprawling dungeon filled with lava and traps. The issue of how they get in and out to buy groceries is not addressed.

-Bad guys and their minions are content to hang out indefinitely in underground caves or other out-of-the-way locations just waiting for someone to come try and find them. In fact, they've probably been there for hundreds or thousands of years.

-Monsters don't need to eat and can remain guarding one place forever. They can pace back and forth or move in and out of pipes with clockwork precision, never slowing down.

[rbudrick]

If you're blinking, you're invincible, except for falling off a cliff.

-Rob

[jb143]

- Sometimes the air contains an invisible wall you cannot penetrate.

Isn't this the same faulty logic behind smoking and non-smoking sections at restaurants?

[rbudrick]

Isn't this the same faulty logic behind smoking and non-smoking sections at restaurants?

Lol, pwn, and win.

-Rob

[Sonicwolf]

Isn't this the same faulty logic behind smoking and non-smoking sections at restaurants?

Where I live, there are no more smoking and non smoking sections in restuarants. Its illegal to smoke inside buildings now basically. Hard to remember a time in which there was a smoking section.

[The 1 2 P]

Where I live, there are no more smoking and non smoking sections in restuarants. Its illegal to smoke inside buildings now basically. Hard to remember a time in which there was a smoking section.

Same here and thus I say the world is finally changing for the best. No smoking allowed indoors, a new president is in office and a whole bunch of gaming goodness is coming this fall to the 360. Now if only I could win the lottery....

Back to the list:

-You will grow a strange affinity for collecting items. This includes(but is not limited to)rings, stars, jewels, crystals, money, herbs, keys, armor, weapons and all sorts of other handy items.

[Sonicwolf]

- Gunshots arent always as lethal as they are in real life

[JohnnyBlaze]

-You can jump ten feet in the air. You can carry a bullwhip the length of a semi. You can take numerous hits without dying. You can lift things forty times your weight. But, you cannot swim. Touch water and you shall die instantly.

[Sonicwolf]

- Every single person in the city of Vice City does not know how to swim.
- Cops will shoot you if you steal a car.

[Pezcore343]

-If it's not bolted down, you might as well pick it up.

-Said picked up items will be stored in your infinitely deep pockets, even if your pants don't have pockets.

[Sonicwolf]

- The ground may not be as solid as it seems.

[WhatsMyUsername]

- Despite having an entire kingdom/empire/army/ect., after you, they will never come after you when you are sleeping and in the rare occasion they do come after you they will wake you up first and allow you to put your armor on and prepare your weapons.

[Sonicwolf]

- Once you complete your missions and objectives, if there is life past the end, it will be very boring.

[NayusDante]

-Platforms float in the air without any kind of support.

-If you forgot what somebody said, just go back to them. They will continue to repeat it as many times as you want.

-Sunset only comes when you've fulfilled enough goals to advance the plot. Afternoon could last a week if you wanted it to.

-Bigger enemies aren't always more powerful than smaller ones. Different colored enemies are.

-Walking across entire continents is no big task for teenagers and really-old wizards.

-There is no such thing as a finite store inventory.

-Nobody uses the bathroom. Ever. It might be THERE, but it's just for decoration.

-Pipes are a safe, reliable method of getting from point A to point B, especially when there is great vertical distance between the two.

-While healing potions, antidotes, and other medicinal items come in flasks and bottles, they're to be used by throwing them at yourself or your friends.

-Spaceships have a never-ending fuel and ammo supply, but only two bombs.

-Standing next to a wall is lethal, if the screen is scrolling.

-There are bottomless pits scattered throughout the world. If you fall into one, you're not getting out. Unless your name is E.T..

-If someone asks you to roll a particular type of object into a ball, they are more entitled to their right to live than the people in the area you will be rolling in.

-The more revealing a woman's armor is, the less damage she takes. We have yet to see this rule taken to the extreme.

-There is nothing wrong with children roaming the countryside and beat dogs and crows with baseball bats, frying pans, laser guns, and kung-fu, as long as they "become tame" in the process.

-Training monsters to fight is a socially acceptable excuse to drop out of school at age 10.

-If you see lots of money floating in the air, nearly everywhere, odds are that you will have nowhere to spend it.

-There is only one timezone.

[Sonicwolf]

- Mushrooms arent always a good thing

[The 1 2 P]

-If you crash several times in a racing game, the A.I. controlled vehicles will either wait in the middle of the street or park on the side of the road until you catch up

-When you are fighting a large group of three or more enemies, only one will attack you at a time. The rest will politely wait their turn despite having strength in numbers

[Sonicwolf]

- If you are racing in a Mario style race on a 64 bit console, the AI will get super speed boosts until they are ahead of you.

[Garry Silljo]

-There are bottomless pits scattered throughout the world. If you fall into one, you're not getting out. Unless your name is E.T..


All pits in E.T. have bottoms.

[Sonicwolf]

- If you are ET, you have an uncontrollable urge to fall into holes you have already escaped from

[Push Upstairs]

- All Vampires are goth rock band rejects.

Is this the "Law of Video Games" thread or the "Law of Hot Topic" thread?

[Sonicwolf]

- Blue shells are your friend... If you are in last place.

[Icarus Moonsight]

'Saviors of the Realm' is only a grandiose title initially. You have to start work as couriers, pest exterminators and errand monkeys and then gradually transition into your ofttimes foretold greater destiny and purpose. Or just say "Screw it all!" and walk around in circles and kill stuff. This is all normal, healthy and 'character building' despite your frequent misgivings.

[kainemaxwell]

Blocks are not always what they appear to be.

[Baloo]

You constantly find yourself jumping on and sliding down flagposts and running past signs to make them rotate.

Jumping through a large ring flotating in the air transports you to another dimension where you obtain a 3rd person view.

Fireworks set off give you 500 bonus points each.