Worst. Beat-em-up. Ever. [Archive] - Retrogaming Roundtable

Gamereviewgod

05-03-2004, 11:35 AM

I believe it's called Ninja Clowns, made by Strata. Try it on MAME. There is no potential for argument. I'm not even going to go on a rant, but I can't even believ this one made into a cabinet.

Ninja Combat on the Geo was pretty bad too:

http://www.digitpress.com/reviews/ninjacombat.htm

Cmosfm

05-03-2004, 11:35 AM

I'd have to say Bucky O'Hare, while I'm a huge fan of the cartoon, was one of the worst arcade beat 'em ups I've played. I did beat it via mame just for the hell of it, but I didn't enjoy it.

Flack

05-03-2004, 11:39 AM

Bop N' Rumble. It's the one where you look like Hulk Hogan and you fight Gorillas, blind men and old ladies. I'm not kidding.

Besides kicking and punching, you can also swing the people around and throw them, or do this weird noogie type move where you attack the sides of their neck, they go into convlusions, and die.

Beating up the blind people with the white canes is kind of fun though.

http://www.c64gg.com/Images/B/Bop_n_Rumble.ss.gif

Push Upstairs

05-03-2004, 11:41 AM

"Rival Turf"

stinks like "Final Fight" clone even so much as having a frail Cody clone. The only good part was probably the other guy who looked like some former Soviet Officer

LOL

"Combatribes" has some weak play control as well.

VACRMH

05-03-2004, 11:44 AM

Half Japanese

05-03-2004, 11:48 AM

Of the ones I've played, Vigilante for the Turbografx takes the cake.

Gamereviewgod

05-03-2004, 12:15 PM

I'd have to say Bucky O'Hare, while I'm a huge fan of the cartoon, was one of the worst arcade beat 'em ups I've played. I did beat it via mame just for the hell of it, but I didn't enjoy it.

I doubt if it's the worst, but it's hard to even qualify it as a BEU. With all the gunplay, do you really beat up people?

Jibbajaba

05-03-2004, 12:43 PM

China Warrior for Turbo Grafx 16 is definitely the worst beat em up game that I've ever played.

Flack

05-03-2004, 12:59 PM

You know, that looks alot like Bad Street Brawler for NES, I wonder if they're related at all...

I believe that Bad Street Brawler, Bop N' Rumble, and Street Hassle were all the same game, save for some sprite variations.

Azazel

05-03-2004, 01:37 PM

I remember An-San being pretty bad.

Zubiac666

05-03-2004, 01:51 PM

"Rival Turf"

"Combatribes" has some weak play control as well.

hey! I like Rival Turf

and to say combatribes is weak is just pure blasphemy!

back to topic:
"Street Combat" for SNES is really bad
but the worst I've ever played ARE "Kasumi Ninja" for Jaguar
and "Cosmic Carnage" for Sega 32X

Funkenstein

05-03-2004, 02:34 PM

Two Crude Dudes. From what I can tell the "dudes" part is correct in that the characters are men, and there are indeed two of them, but that's as truthful as the title gets.

Azazel

05-03-2004, 02:52 PM

Don't forget Bad Dudes on the NES as well as Batman on the Saturn.

Arcade Antics

05-03-2004, 02:55 PM

My vote goes to Batman Forever - The Arcade game on Saturn.

You and me both. It's the textbook definition of crappy button masher games.

In all fairness though, I haven't played some of the games listed just yet. But as far as I can tell from the screenshots, at least you can tell what's going on. UNlike the crapstorm Acclaim Batman arcade game on the Saturn. Yecch.

Garry Silljo

05-03-2004, 03:07 PM

Other than those already mentioned, the Neo Geo's Mutation Nation left a really sour taste in my mouth. It got boring REALLY fast by not having enough variety in enemies and avaiable moves. Terribly uninspired game.

Gamereviewgod

05-03-2004, 03:36 PM

I LOVE Mutation Nation. Though I haven't played Sengoku 3 yet, it's my fave beat-em-up on the Geo by far. Sure, the variety was weak, but what game in this genre doesn't have the same problem?

Zubiac: One on one fighters don't count! Though the games you mention do suck, were talking repetitive old-school beu's here.

Crush Crawfish

05-03-2004, 03:37 PM

Don't forget Bad Dudes on the NES as well as Batman on the Saturn.

Hmmm...I thought bad dudes was a rather enjoyable game, but maybe just for the sheer cheesiness of it all- "The president has been kidnapped by ninjas! Are you a bad enough dude to rescue him?" LOL

Anyway, my vote goes to Terminator 2 for the NES. After approximately 2 minutes of playtime, I screamed "MAKE IT STOP!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!" I will never play that game again.

Kamino

05-03-2004, 03:44 PM

i can't play bad dudes until we get a real president - i'd LOVE it if this one was captured by ninjas LOL LOL LOL
no, seriously though, what system can i find this bop n rumble on?

Kamino

05-03-2004, 03:47 PM

EDIT: what am i smokin, i'm ON the dp site here..i'll go find out what system bop n rumble is on!

Phosphor Dot Fossils

05-03-2004, 04:49 PM

May I nominate "Star Wars: Masters Of Teras Kasi" for Playstation? Or is that not the kind of beat 'em up we're talking about? ;)

ManekiNeko

05-03-2004, 05:10 PM

Target: Renegade for the NES has got to be one of the worst beat 'em ups made for that (or any other!) system. I actually kind of enjoyed the first Renegade (it IS, after all, a Kunio game), but this sequel, programmed by European designers Software Creations, is the pits. It's got awful graphics, a frustratingly limited hit range, and totally unsatisfying fighting action.

The game review guy is right, though. Nothing is worse than Ninja Clowns. Even the concept is awful, combining two mutually exclusive occupations. Ninjas are silent, stealthy, agile, and above all, very cool. Clowns are the exact opposite, being loud, colorful, clumsy, and obnoxious. The only time I want to see clowns and ninjas together is in a show where the ninjas assassinate the clowns.

JR

P.S. Since we're on the subject, here's another massive turd... Double Dragon on the 2600. Some games just don't belong on the 2600, and Double Dragon has to be near the top of the list.

Tetsu

05-03-2004, 05:26 PM

I can't believe no one has mentioned The Crow for sega saturn, so I'll be the first. Man, was that craptacular. Especially the "Hey, clown man!" all the enemies shout when they appear onscreen.

chrisbid

05-03-2004, 05:29 PM

SNES Pit Fighter?

pookninja

05-03-2004, 05:38 PM

SNES Pit Fighter? yes,that one was pretty bad.but i think the worse beat em up ive ever played has to be time killers for sega genesis.just plain crap.

Raccoon Lad

05-03-2004, 05:48 PM

it's been well over a decade since I played it, but I HATED the Tick on the Genesis. Repetetive as hell, and LONG too.

Sotenga

05-03-2004, 06:28 PM

Hmm... haven't really played a beat-em-up I hated... Crime Fighters from Konami was kinda repetitive and strenuous, but I imagine it's much more fun with four players. So I dunno what to tell you. I haven't played Bad Street Brawler, but it looks kinda sucky... and from what I've heard, I wouldn't play it. Well, maybe I would, just to see if it is a not good game.

kainemaxwell

05-03-2004, 06:36 PM

I never liked TMNT: Hyperstone Heist on the Genesis myself, as well as Combatatribes.

DigitalSpace

05-04-2004, 02:15 AM

Alien Vs. Predator for SNES. Boring and very repetitive.

Zubiac666

05-04-2004, 02:42 AM

Zubiac: One on one fighters don't count! Though the games you mention do suck, were talking repetitive old-school beu's here.

wtf? no one mentioned that in the first post(looking below)!

What's your vote(s) for the worst beat-em-up game ever concievied and programmed?

anyways.....sorry!

so my vote goes for "Batman Returns" on Saturn
and Sengoku 3* for neogeo

*don't get me wrong;it plays well but the first levels have like only one or two enemies which respawn about 500000000times
I was getting sick of them

tssk

05-04-2004, 03:01 AM

Dangerous Streets.

see http://www.thumbs.aloft.dial.pipex.com/wos/world/ap/danger.htm

for a great review of this travesty.

It has a character who's blocking move is turning into a block of steel.

JaredCenter

05-04-2004, 08:21 AM

How about "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" for SNES. That sucked!

Ed Oscuro

05-04-2004, 11:01 AM

Of the ones I've played, Vigilante for the Turbografx takes the cake.
That was one of the first games (maybe among the first five?) I ever played via emulation, I do believe.

Camp Value, here we come http://www.digitpress.com/forum/images/smiles/Llol.gif

Sengoku 3, from what I've played, doesn't hold a cigarette butt to Sengoku 2. The characters are well drawn, but the dramatic, movie-like progression and detailed scenes are totally lost. I quit this one (with its awful "stage select" system, rejected by the KoF games) somewhere in the second or third level. I never want to see a bike rack in a brawler again...ever. That said, it's not among the worst brawlers ever, not by far. :o

I'd like to add in "dishonorable mentions" for Riot City and Tecmo Knight. Riot City is very dark and ugly throughout, there's really nothing redeeming about it to be found anywhere (outside of some trenchcoat guys plastered onto the back wall of a bar in the game, that's sort of neat...)

Tecmo's title did have the coolest continue sequence and neat level one music, though, which counts for something. The game sprites and locations, though, are like Altered Beast stuff, only...hideous. Doesn't control terribly well either.

suppafly

05-04-2004, 11:25 AM

Two Crude Dudes. From what I can tell the "dudes" part is correct in that the characters are men, and there are indeed two of them, but that's as truthful as the title gets.

Hey!! I liked that game! It didnt win any awards, but it was fun!! I used to own it for Genesis, and the mame version is cooler too!!

The Manimal

05-05-2004, 01:59 PM

I love 'beat 'em ups'. :) Like STREETS OF RAGE, DOUBLE DRAGON, stuff like that.

TMNT: Hyperstone Heist was good. :( Though why did they make it so much like Turtles in Time but pass it off as a new game? Let's make some changes to the storyline but use the same images.. LOL

Pit-Fighter BAD

Ultraman (SNES) BAD! I sold this.

I forgot how bad Renegade (NES) was until someone mentioned it here. I sold this one also.

Bad Dudes (NES) is bad but I still own it.

Many dislike Urban Champion (NES) but I like it.

Shinobi (NES) isn't very good but I like it for some reason. LOL

bangtango

09-17-2007, 12:31 AM

If portables count, the worst beat-em up you will ever play is Double Dragon 3 on the black-and-white Gameboy. The first two Gameboy Double Dragon's weren't great but they were at least playable. Gameboy Double Dragon 3 has an insane difficulty level, enemies that move way too fast and you have to take two or three hits just to inflict one on a bad guy. You can go through an entire life bar just clearing out one screen of enemies. The jump kick is useless, most of the special moves from the first couple of games are missing, weapons have to be bought in a shop using coins and they aren't very useful to boot. This is basically a game that you'll have to use the Gameboy's Game Genie just to complete. The enemies are too cheap to survive all the way to the end.

Target Renegade (NES) is actually pretty similar to the above title, so I'd probably rank it #2.

Yakumo

09-17-2007, 12:53 AM

If you want to see a real shitty beat'em up then try Super Bikuriman on the SFC. Man, that is really shit. It's so bad it makes the Ultraman and Sailormoon series of beat'em ups look stunning.

Yakumo

Arasoi

09-17-2007, 01:05 AM

Knuckle Bash in the arcade was both the worst and best beat em up ever made at the same time.

Those who have played will understand.

savageone

09-17-2007, 01:23 AM

Off the top of my head I've got to put in a vote for Cheetahmen

Matt-El

09-17-2007, 02:07 AM

Last Battle for Genesis. It's part fighter, part beat em up, all crap.

Oh, yeah, uh, pit fighter is uh, a fighter....

Icarus Moonsight

09-17-2007, 02:31 AM

It's obviously Bebe's Kids.

Hawksmoor

09-17-2007, 03:14 AM

I have to second Last Battle as being the worst brawler I've ever played. I consider myself to be quite the connoisseur of the genre, and it doesn't get much worse than Last Battle.

Jorpho

09-17-2007, 10:17 AM

If Pit Fighter doesn't really count, surely some thought must be given to Guardians of the 'Hood, its scrolling sequel?
http://bbh.marpirc.net/hood/

"Rival Turf"

stinks like "Final Fight" clone even so much as having a frail Cody clone. The only good part was probably the other guy who looked like some former Soviet Officer

LOL

"Combatribes" has some weak play control as well.

Weren't they all part of the same "Rushing Beat" trilogy in Japan, along with The Peace Keepers?

If portables count, the worst beat-em up you will ever play is Double Dragon 3 on the black-and-white Gameboy.

Was that the one that was originally a Kunio-kun game? No, wait, that was Double Dragon 2.

diskoboy

09-17-2007, 10:45 AM

The Bouncer on PS2 gets my vote.

Total crap and a half.

c2000

09-17-2007, 11:22 AM

KA-GE-KI on the genesis.

TheDomesticInstitution

09-17-2007, 11:29 AM

Kung-Fu Heroes on NES (is this technically a beat-em-up?), and I'll second Ninja Clowns... I've played that one on a MAME cabinet- what a weird load of crap.

bangtango

09-17-2007, 01:17 PM

Was that the one that was originally a Kunio-kun game? No, wait, that was Double Dragon 2.

Yes, that was Gameboy Double Dragon 2. Funny thing is that even though it was a totally different game under the Double Dragon banner, it wasn't half bad. It had nothing to do with the DD storyline, as you see it in the arcade or even the NES games, but it was still playable. Decent control, a reasonable difficulty level, good level design, all right music and graphics that were about average for the time. Granted the enemies were a little bland and Billy Lee had a completely different set of moves not seen in the other DD games.

Of course the first Double Dragon game on Gameboy or Double Dragon Advance (GBA) are obviously the best DD games you'll see on Gameboy.

Chuplayer

09-17-2007, 04:04 PM

The brawling segments of Bayou Billy are unplayable. The game had so much potential just to have 1/3 of it force it down the crapper, too.

neogamer

09-17-2007, 04:17 PM

I thought The Bouncer was pretty bad, but I hear it does have fans.

Some say it will become rare and in demand. I don't know!

Rob2600

09-17-2007, 06:31 PM

Don't forget:

Double Dragon (Atari 2600)
Total Recall (NES)
Dirty Harry (NES)
Fist of the North Star (NES)
Batman Forever (SNES)
Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero (PlayStation and N64)

Vroomfunkel

09-17-2007, 06:43 PM

Don't forget:

Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero (PlayStation and N64)

They ain't got nothing on the dire-ness that is Mortal Kombat Mythologies for the Genesis (the dodgy pirate hack that I got recently). Trust me - there can be no worse beat 'em up ... as I understand it, it is only actually possible to complete using a Game Genie. Although why you would even want to do so remains a mystery to me!

scooby105

09-17-2007, 06:46 PM

I believe that Bad Street Brawler, Bop N' Rumble, and Street Hassle were all the same game, save for some sprite variations.

Bop N' Rumble. It's the one where you look like Hulk Hogan and you fight Gorillas, blind men and old ladies. I'm not kidding.

Besides kicking and punching, you can also swing the people around and throw them, or do this weird noogie type move where you attack the sides of their neck, they go into convlusions, and die.

Beating up the blind people with the white canes is kind of fun though.

http://www.c64gg.com/Images/B/Bop_n_Rumble.ss.gif

This was one of my favorite games on the Commodore 64. Go figure.

I always thought Double Dragon 3 for the NES sucked big-time. It was way too hard. I beat it way back when. It wasn't any fun at all though. You just had to continually jump kick guys back and forth. I like button mashing, not jump kicking.

Cafeman

09-17-2007, 08:31 PM

Cosmic Carnage , Sega 32x. A'RGH! What a bad fighter.

Push Upstairs

09-18-2007, 02:57 AM

"Batman Returns" for the SNES isn't the worst but it is pretty mediocre.

Limited, basic moves make this game pretty tame.

XianXi

09-18-2007, 04:05 AM

Ninja Combat on the Geo was pretty bad too:

I actually prefer Ninja Combat over Sengoku 3. Seriously. Sengoku 3 has bad flow, takes too long to kill regular enemies.

Radiac

09-18-2007, 07:39 AM

What, no Sword of Sodan love, err... hate?

This game blows in every possible way. It is topped only by Air Cars as the worst game I've ever played.

Celestial Avenger

09-18-2007, 11:38 AM

Batman Forever for Sega Genesis
Double Dragon 3 for Sega Genesis.

Double Dragon III for NES is actually a good game, except the cheap combo hits are just unforgivable. Is there any other beat-em-up where you'll get knocked down, but since you're too close to the enemy, once you get up you'll get your ass knocked right back down again until you lose 50% of your health?

I can totally beat DD3 without relying on the cyclone spin kick. I'll post a video with a playthrough (and commentary) soon.

Some hints:
1) If you kick someone and grab them with Billy, the other enemy just waits around and does nothing, or his jump kicks/knives/projectiles don't even hit you.
2) Use Chin to blow through Stages 3, 4, and the first part of Stage 5. Just stay to the left, move to the top and bottom of the screen to avoid getting jump-kicked. It lures the enemy to walk up or down to you (usually), and you can just use your mighty fists to floor their ass.
3) The ninja is useless. I use him to run forward in Stage 4 when the first part is clear, I use him at the platforming part in the start of Stage 5, and I use him when you first get inside the pyramid. I could be missing something, but all-around he's just almost useless.
4) Save your Nunchucks and Iron Claws for the boss. Always.

The cyclone spin kick helps, but Billy's grabs and Chin's fists are where it's at.

PentiumMMX

09-18-2007, 12:10 PM

Don't forget Bad Dudes on the NES as well as Batman on the Saturn.

Bad Dudes was so cheezy it was awesome. Anyway, here's some I rememeber that sucked:

- Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (Game Boy): The rangers move at snail speed, punch insanly quick, and putties come at you at high speeds.

- Double Dragon (Atari 2600): The Atari just couldn't handle this with only 1 button.

colicub

09-18-2007, 12:38 PM

I seriously can't believe no-one mentioned Black Hole Assault on the Mega CD (fighting robots - how could they get it wrong?) or Rise Of The Robots on, well, anything (fighting robots - oh, that's how they could get it so horribly horribly wrong!).

Oh, and then there's Masters Of Combat on the Master System, Streets Of Rage 3 on the Mega Drive, and the Mega Drive conversion of Captain America & The Avengers....

Rob2600

09-18-2007, 12:53 PM

"Batman Returns" for the SNES isn't the worst but it is pretty mediocre.

Limited, basic moves make this game pretty tame.

Batman Returns (Konami) on the SNES was good. Are you sure you don't mean Batman Forever (Acclaim) on the SNES?

It's as if Acclaim took the game Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero, dressed the characters up in Batman outfits, and called it Batman Forever. The characters have the same exact animation and moves as they do in Mortal Kombat, except the game is unplayable.

Rob2600

09-18-2007, 12:56 PM

Rise Of The Robots on, well, anything

Rise of the Robots was bad, but I don't think we're including one-on-one tournament fighting games.

Does this game count? WCW Backstage Assault for the Sony PlayStation and Nintendo 64

Aswald

09-18-2007, 02:06 PM

Barbarianoutkast85

09-18-2007, 08:00 PM

Renegade for NES, Pit Fighter for SNES, Batman for Saturn, Shaq Fu if you consider it a beat em up I donno it kinda is, but kinda isnt.

Gabriel

09-18-2007, 09:29 PM

I've played quite a few of the games people have listed, but the one scrolling brawler I absolutely refuse to touch again is Guardian Heroes for the Saturn. I know some people consider it to be a great game, but those people are warped pod beings or something. Guardian Heroes is just total fucking crap. I'd rather play Bram Stoker's Dracula for the SegaCD or Shaq Fu than be forced to play crappy Guardian Heroes again.

colicub

09-18-2007, 09:40 PM

Some years ago, there was a one-on-one fighting game using the Star Wars characters, from the movies and books.

Aside from the disturbing sight of friends trying to annihilate each other, some of the moves were ridiculous. A forearm block of a lightsaber blow? What was that person wearing, neutronium?

That would have been Star Wars: Masters Of Teras Kasi. And god, it sucks. However, it does have the amusing(!) idea of having Princess Leia in the gold bikini as a playable bonus character.

I've played quite a few of the games people have listed, but the one scrolling brawler I absolutely refuse to touch again is Guardian Heroes for the Saturn. I know some people consider it to be a great game, but those people are warped pod beings or something. Guardian Heroes is just total fucking crap. I'd rather play Bram Stoker's Dracula for the SegaCD or Shaq Fu than be forced to play crappy Guardian Heroes again.

I know die-hard Treasure fans that would hurt you for that. Badly. With severe violence and pain.

And why has no-one mentioned the horror of Streets Of Rage 3?

Chuplayer

09-18-2007, 10:42 PM

I thought The Bouncer was pretty bad, but I hear it does have fans.

Some say it will become rare and in demand. I don't know!

Crap. I had just about successfully erased that one from my mind! That was one extremely ass game.

Push Upstairs

09-18-2007, 11:45 PM

And why has no-one mentioned the horror of Streets Of Rage 3?

Because "Bare Knuckle 3" totally makes up for it.

Icarus Moonsight

09-19-2007, 02:19 AM