Mysteries of the Games

[SoulBlazer]

For your reading knowledge and humor -- we're due for a light hearted thread around here. ;)

I've been kicking around some of these for a while, but thought it might make a nice humorous thread and thought of some new ones. Can you explain them -- or better yet, add new ones? :)

How does Pac-Man move when he does'nt have any legs?
How does a MULE transform from a walking mule to a satalite dish or a mineral digger from such a small size?
How does Cloud's hair stay spiked when he never uses a comb or any hair gel?
If they call Squall's weapon a 'Gunblade' because it can shoot as well as be used as a sword, how come we never see it fire once?
How come you're allowed to send a unit of 500 men into battle aganist 10,000 of them without panicing -- or better yet, rebeling and killing you?
If a VR game was made without a screen, would it still be callled a 'video' game?
How do food supplies, stock stocks, and plants come back after being taken in the course of five seconds?
How come if you're controling a X-Wing, it can take about 10 missles before being destroyed but in the cut scenes or under AI control ONE is enough to blow it to kingdom come?
Why would you want to stay and fight asteroids in the middle of a freakin ASTEROID BELT? Especily with ONE tiny gun to do the work?
How come I can't understand how people would stand in lines in the cold for hours, pay more then four hundred dollars in todays money, and play with a friend for hours a game as simple and borring as PONG?!?

[Graham Mitchell]

Suspension of disbelief. Gaming requires it! LOL

[davidbrit2]

Pretty much everything about side-scrollers makes no sense.

How does the character jump up through a floor and land on top of it?
Why can't Mario just fucking go around the large objects blocking his path?



If a VR game was made without a screen, would it still be callled a 'video' game?

You know, I think there was actually a Doom-like game for the deaf created recently. It's entirely audio. I can't remember the name, though. Argh.

[tholly]

well, all those questions have no answers....they are just like the what came first, the chicken or the egg question

[Cmosfm]

Hmm, great thread, now lemme take a stab (with my gunblade) at answering you'r foolish inquiries. :)



How does Pac-Man move when he does'nt have any legs?

the entire pacman maze is comprised of moving escalators. It's just so dark that you cannot see them!


How does a MULE transform from a walking mule to a satalite dish or a mineral digger from such a small size?

witchcraft


How does Cloud's hair stay spiked when he never uses a comb or any hair gel?

Dude, it's plastic! They explained this in a deleted scene.


If they call Squall's weapon a 'Gunblade' because it can shoot as well as be used as a sword, how come we never see it fire once?

I think the handle looks like a gun, not sure off hand. Maybe cause it hurts like a bullet when you get hit!


How come you're allowed to send a unit of 500 men into battle aganist 10,000 of them without panicing -- or better yet, rebeling and killing you?

Cause as you know, all heroes are fearless, loyal and stupid! LOL


If a VR game was made without a screen, would it still be callled a 'video' game?

Yep! It's not real life and there is nothing else to call it.


How do food supplies, stock stocks, and plants come back after being taken in the course of five seconds?

cause you never really take them, you only THINK you do, it's all in your mind dude.


How come if you're controling a X-Wing, it can take about 10 missles before being destroyed but in the cut scenes or under AI control ONE is enough to blow it to kingdom come?

Cause cutscenebullets are massive! There so powerful, they can destroy the earth if harnessed correctly. I wish I had some cutscenebullets.


Why would you want to stay and fight asteroids in the middle of a freakin ASTEROID BELT? Especily with ONE tiny gun to do the work?

Cause it's his mission, he chose to accept it.


How come I can't understand how people would stand in lines in the cold for hours, pay more then four hundred dollars in todays money, and play with a friend for hours a game as simple and borring as PONG?!?

Wait....what? I don't get the question.

OK, yeah, that wasn't funny. I thought I could do better, but meh, I tried. Give me some credit!

[captain nintendo]

A friend of mine says this phrase all the time and it sums this up perfectly ....

"It is what it is" LOL

[Ed Oscuro]

You know, I think there was actually a Doom-like game for the deaf created recently. It's entirely audio. I can't remember the name, though. Argh.
Now THAT is the sort of thing I find interesting. I do know somebody created a Quake frontend that converts the graphics to "Seeing Eye" picture-type patterns (I never managed to see into those, myself) to enhance the 3D effect, but a game that works entirely upon 3D audio would be great. I'd prefer to play something with dark, mostly indistinguishable visuals that aren't immediately obvious without some examination, that uses 3D audio as a replacement for restricted visibility (two Looking Glass games come two mind).

[Cauterize]

How does Pac-Man move when he does'nt have any legs?

how does water move without legs? its a liquid....

PAC-MAN IS A LIQUID!

[Habeeb Hamusta]

Imagination! :)

[rbudrick]

This reminds me of the What If section (BLEH) in Expert Gamer/EGM2 (RIP, not really).

I never could figure out why enemies drop power ups...why the hell weren't they using them against you? And also, why do enemies drop their money when they die?

-Rob

[Ed Oscuro]

How does Pac-Man move when he does'nt have any legs?

how does water move without legs? its a liquid....

PAC-MAN IS A LIQUID!
Back to Bill Nye The Science guy...IT'S A GAS!

[Sotenga]

I have some more to add...

Where do the Belmonts store all those crosses and vials of Holy Water?
Why do the guns of the Contra commandoes have limitless ammunition?
Why haven't most of the last bosses in the Gradius series bothered fighting back?
How can Strider Hiryu survive in the middle of Siberia in just his Strider garb?
How the bloody hell does Space Harrier fly? I don't see a jetpack or something on his back...
If all that gold in Pitfall belonged to Aztec natives, wouldn't Pitfall Harry be considered an anti-hero?
Just how big can Kirby grow anyway?
Why does Alex Kidd immediately transform into an angel when touched by an enemy? Are the skins of the enemies in Miracle World made of some corpse-dissolving acid?
Why is Dr. Ferdinand Social named Dr. Ferdinand Social? That's the worst name I've heard since Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo...
Why did Jo Musashi decide to change his black and yellow trim to white and red after the original Shinobi? That can't be good for his stealth technique...
In Ghosts N' Goblins, Arthur and Guinevere could have done the nasty anywhere in all of the land. So why the f**k did they choose a graveyard???
In Monster Party, why didn't Bert whisk Mark away to a weapon shop first to replace his pansy-ass bat?
Why aren't there any octopi in the Valis series?

..................... wish I hadn't asked that last question... I'd best just stop there. >_<

[MarioAllStar2600]

Was the boxer really getting his furby sucked in the corner?
(Ring King)

[Sotenga]

Was the boxer really getting his furby sucked in the corner?
(Mike Tysons punchout)

Ring King, actually. ;)

[Ed Oscuro]

Where do the Belmonts store all those crosses and vials of Holy Water?
Inside masonry, of course.

Why do the guns of the Contra commandoes have limitless ammunition?
Why does Serious Sam have limitless ammunition in his pistol? It's a superhero trade secret: They use TMARs. Don't tell the Marvel or D.C. Comics superheroes about this...I've been NDA'd by the League of DOOM and COBRA. (I do suspect those G.I. Joe folks know about it, though.)

Why haven't most of the last bosses in the Gradius series bothered fighting back?
They're busy getting their affairs in order, sir!

How can Strider Hiryu survive in the middle of Siberia in just his Strider garb?
Two reasons: One, to spite Meiyuu...Two, that's why he's trying to get out of Eurasia. There's a third one, actually, but I'm not allowed to suggest he made a bet with characters on a rival home console...oops!

How the bloody hell does Space Harrier fly? I don't see a jetpack or something on his back...
His gun has a glowing patch on it.

If all that gold in Pitfall belonged to Aztec natives, wouldn't Pitfall Harry be considered an anti-hero?
Those resources are being poorly managed, and as they sit there the natives are actually incurring an economic loss. Since he arrived, the business in spear, punjii spike, and bottomless pit manufacturing has grown 1000%.

Just how big can Kirby grow anyway?
That's a good question!

Why does Alex Kidd immediately transform into an angel when touched by an enemy? Are the skins of the enemies in Miracle World made of some corpse-dissolving acid?
He's learned the secret any kid who's been bullied on the playground wishes for: the ability to TELL GOD and have HIM smite your enemies. Too bad the Game Over screen shows up first!

Why is Dr. Ferdinand Social named Dr. Ferdinand Social? That's the worst name I've heard since Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo...
It's better than being introduced into the Street Fighter series just because EGM made up a rumor, right?

Why did Jo Musashi decide to change his black and yellow trim to white and red after the original Shinobi? That can't be good for his stealth technique...
"Snow blindness" or some such, that's what he told me. Besides, you're talking about the guy who used to look like Walter Koenig.

In Ghosts N' Goblins, Arthur and Guinevere could have done the nasty anywhere in all of the land. So why the f**k did they choose a graveyard???
Those gravestones sort of crawled up out of the ground while they weren't watching. How the hell were they supposed to know?

In Monster Party, why didn't Bert whisk Mark away to a weapon shop first to replace his pansy-ass bat?
Traditional coming-of-age ceremony.

Why aren't there any octopi in the Valis series?
Have you SEEN the cover of the US version? Or should I say covers? If that's a centerfold, it puts the emphasis on "Fold" instead of "Cover," that's for damn sure!

Hope that cleared up your questions!

... LOL

[Sotenga]

Thank you very much, Ed. That clears up everything. ROFL