Rejected game slogans

[Dire 51]

This comes from a thread started on my forum, The Third Moon, quite some time ago by our very own Captain Yashiro and another forum member, Luke.

Rejected advertising slogans:

Pre-crash

Atari 2600 - At least it isn't an Odyssey2.
Odyssey2 - The keyboard is the key to...ah, fuck it.
Intellivision - You like Baseball. You want to play Baseball.
Atari 5200 - STUPID FUCKIN' JOYSTICK!!!

Neoclassic

Nintendo - Now you're playing with power. Fascist power.
Sega Genesis - Fuck Nintendo, fuck Tonka, you're all gonna pay!
Sega CD - Because grainy, choppy FMV is better than no FMV at all.
Game Gear - Who needs batteries when you have color?
SNK - The future is now. Isn't that an oxymoron?
CD-I - Because video games are overrated.
Virtual Boy - 32 bit, without the annoying non-red colors.

Other

Neo Geo Pocket Color - Nobody is going to buy this.
Playstation - Unexplainably number one.
Nintendo 64 - CDs are dumb.
X-Box - This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.

Rejected corporate slogans:

Acclaim: We got mad licensing skillz, boyee.

Aruze: The future of SNK staff-developed pachinko is now.

Nintendo: Third parties? We don't need no steenkin' third parties.

Sega: We make add-ons that Nintendon't.

SNK: We're sick of making money from the MVS. We're moving into losing money through machines that don't have a chance, now.

Sony: We are Kutaragi of PSX-Borg. Assimilate you, we will.

Squaresoft: We're the masters of linear, CGI-driven, emotional melodramas disguised as games.

Konami of America: Who gives a fuck about Gradius 2?

Culture Brain: We are the makers games of for the Nintend sistem. OK!!!

LOL

Can anyone come up with any more?

[Xantan the Foul]

Gameboy Advance: Who needs backlighting?

[SirDrexl]

EA: Urbanize Everything.

[Sotenga]

A few more addendums of my own to that list:

Jaleco: We made... uhhhh... that game! You know... that one that not many people know about?

Irem: Go on. Beat R-Type II. We dare you. Wuss.

Sunsoft: Ocean makes the crappy licensed titles, and WE'RE the ones out of business!

Ocean: Hey, Sunsoft, we're out of business too! Jerks! *sniff*

Comad: No kids should play our games. No adults want to play our games. Besides pornographic game ripoffs, we got nuthin'.

Sammy: So many years in business, and it takes us a long time to hit it big with a fighting game. Maybe we should do RPGs and sports titles next.

[crazyjackcsa]

Ubi Soft: Yearly Sequels. Not just for sports games anymore!
EA: Purchase Everything!
EA: We make bad games better than anybody!
Rockstar: (To the theme of comptown races) Blast that Hooker in the head doo-dah-doo-dah make sure that she's good and dead! Oh dah-doo-dah-day!
Capcom: Running Good franchises into the ground since 1983!
Sega: We make good games, not good desicions.
Nintendo: Burying out heads in the sand since 1995
Sony: 2D is for books.

[gepeto]

sega does what nintendoooo

[shai hulud]

Ubisoft - everybody loves Rayman

[Cauterize]

Virtual Boy - This Device will conquer the world, by altering peoples eyesight!

[Dire 51]

LOL @ all the responses so far

[joshnickerson]

Sega: When all else fails, insert guns into the game!

UbiSoft: Aspiring to be the EA of France

Konami: Now how can we possibly fuse Yugioh and Metal Gear together...

Pokemon: Buy this game or the Pikachu gets it!
Pokemon: The same damn game over and over again
Pokemon: Go ahead. Catch 'em all. I dare ya!
Pokemon: The Search For More Money
Pokemon: We've still got a spectrum of colors to go
Pokemon: Special LEEEROOOYYYYY AAAJENNNKIINNNKKUUNNNSSS!!!! Edition
*Note that I'm a big Pokemon fan LOL

[yuppicide]

Odyssey2 - "Ours comes WITH the keyboard!"
Nintendo - "We re-release Super Mario with every new system. (Do do do do do do.)" <--- that Super Mario song when you go down the pipe.

[Flack]

Sonic - Like Mario, but BLUER!
Ms. Pac-Man - We swear to god IT'S DIFFERENT!
1st person shooters - winning over gamers one headache at a time.

[Cmosfm]

EA: Urbanize Everything.

EA = Extreme Afroization

[link1110]

Rockstar Games - Making the same GTA game since GTA3
EA - Because a new roster is worth $50

[GarrettCRW]

Konami of America: Because someone needs to piss off Dire 51, right?

Microsoft: Power! Ultimate power!!!!!!!!!

Bandai: Home of the shitty Dragon Ball games.

Taito: If it wasn't for that yellow bastard, we'd be ruling the world right now.

Tecmo: We sold our souls for video game chicks with huge knockers.

Lucasarts: You don't know the power of the Dark Side.....

[Yago]

Wizard - We make games you'll never play because they get banned

[evildead2099]

EA: We make bad games better than anybody!

Sega: We make good games, not good desicions.

Nintendo: Burying out heads in the sand since 1995

LOL

---

Here are some responses of my own:

$ony: We hate 2D.

Micro$oft: Our console easily outprocesses the competition... Unless you get stuck with a Thompson DVD drive instead of one made by Samsung or Philips, in which case, your software won't process at all!

Eidos: There can be no such thing as too many Tomb Raider games!

Electronic Arts (Specifically, EA's sports division): We're bursting with originality and revolutionary innovation.

Wisdom Tree: Our games may not be the greatest, but if you criticize them, you're a Satan-worshipping athiest who hates Christianity and all that it stands for. (Yes, we celebrate the wonder that is dogma!)

3D Realms: Duke Nukem Forever: It'll be worth the wait.

[evildead2099]

EA: We make bad games better than anybody!

Sega: We make good games, not good desicions.

Nintendo: Burying out heads in the sand since 1995

LOL

---

Here are some responses of my own:

$ony: We hate 2D.

Micro$oft: Our console easily outprocesses the competition... Unless you get stuck with a Thompson DVD drive instead of one made by Samsung or Philips, in which case, your software won't process at all!

Eidos: There can be no such thing as too many Tomb Raider games!

Electronic Arts (Specifically, EA's sports division): We're bursting with originality and revolutionary innovation.

Wisdom Tree: Our games may not be the greatest, but if you criticize them, you're a Satan-worshipping athiest who hates Christianity and all that it stands for. (Yes, we celebrate the wonder that is dogma!)

3D Realms: Duke Nukem Forever: It'll be worth the wait.

[Dire 51]

Konami of America: Because someone needs to piss off Dire 51, right?

LOL LOL LOL

[Milk]

Treasure: We never make sequels except when we do.

[kirin jensen]

2600: Have you played the incredibly slow, crappy Atari version of Pac-Man today?

2600: Now with extra flicker!

2600: Because you can't get KC Munchkin anymore. Nyah.

Odyssey2: Ufo kicks Atari's Asteroid

Odyssey2: Pick Axe: It's Kickaxe

[NeoSNightmarE]

Micro$haft: "Our console is so easy to mod, no wonder it's number 1."

[o2william]

Nintendo: Remember the late 1980s? Those were the days!

Microsoft: No technology market may exist without us.

Philips: Creating Innovations Nobody Wants since 1978.

Sega: Our timing just plain sucks.

Virtual Boy: WTF?

Game.com: Hey, even we didn't really like it.

NES: Now you're playing with power, so please read the epileptic seizure warning carefully.

[Gunstar_Hero UK]

Gizmondo - *insert blank screen here*

[Ballermann2D]

PlayStation2: turd place

[MegaDrive20XX]

Playstation 2: Crapping out on you since 2001!

Xbox: *Dell kid* "Duuuude you're getting a THOMPSON DVD drive!"

Xbox 360: *Dell kid again* Duuuude you're getting a Dell Xbox 360 with the sleak design!

GameCube: *sings* Born under a bad sign (Nintendo), been dowwwn (Nintendo Bashers) since I began to crawwwl! If it wasn't for N64! I wouldn't have no Luck at all!

GBA SP: GBA? Nah guy! Relax! you need a rest! Look at me :)

GBA Mirco: GBA SP? Nah! Relax guy! you need a rest! Look at me! Im tiny and cute! Not like that ugly flip top!

Goldstar 3D0: CD drive came out? Wait..wait..that's suppose to happen! it's an extra feature! Yeahhhh....that's the ticket ;)

Sega 32X: Dear Buyer, please send $1,000 to Sega Corp so we can pretend we sold this shit...

Sony PSX: Inferior choppy-lack of animation 2D ports of SNK/Capcom games since 1995!

Saturn: Sega of Japan wants to remind you, the America consumer..."ha Ha ha...nah nah nanny nanny friggin boo boo!"

Sega CD: Okay we know you can't see the picture FMV and you just dished out $300 for this POS just for Mortal Kombat Sega CD....but HEY! we got the SEGA scream :)

Game Gear: SMS? Why you can play those games on here but at the mili-fraction of the TV screen! Who needs TV, when all you really need is $48 worth of AA's :)

NES: You know you love it when you blow into my carts ;) NOW you're playing with MY power. Lower baby! Haha!

[Ed Oscuro]

PlayStation: "It's SNES-compatible damnit, blame Nintendo!"

[Queen Of The Felines]

Atlus: Of course we can print more games, but ebay is so entertaining.

Phantom: ...

PlayStation: 1200 games, only twenty good ones!

Kristine

[SamuraiSmurfette]

Nintendo DS: Now with painfully sharp corners!
Akklaim: There's only so long you can make bad games
Technos: New character sprites? Why? What's wrong with the ones we already have?
Koei: Everyone loves Lu Bu, right? Riiiight?
Sega: What's that? A new Console? Quickly! Release a Puyo Pop!
Blizzard: It'll be done, when it's done! Stop Asking!
Namco: "We HAVE to change the soundtrack, otherwise people won't buy it" (this was actually said to me when I complained about Donkey Konga/Taiko Drum)

[Dire 51]

LOL @ Ghouls, Kristine and SamuraiSmurfette

[swlovinist]

EA Games: The new empire in gaming...we want to own you!

Nintendo DS: The new system that is made to divert PSP sales

Playstation 2: taking over the industry one shitty rehashed game at a time

PSP: Sure it costs more, but we know you will give in and buy it!

[evildead2099]

Micro$haft: "Our console is so easy to mod, no wonder it's number 1."

When has the Xbox EVER been number 1?

[evildead2099]

Xbox: *Dell kid* "Duuuude you're getting a THOMPSON DVD drive!"

Sega 32X: Dear Buyer, please send $1,000 to Sega Corp so we can pretend we sold this shit...

Game Gear: SMS? Why you can play those games on here but at the mili-fraction of the TV screen! Who needs TV, when all you really need is $48 worth of AA's :)

NES: You know you love it when you blow into my carts ;) NOW you're playing with MY power. Lower baby! Haha!

LOL LOL LOL

[dr.wario]

nintendo ds- got to touch them all

[evildead2099]

Sega Master System: We like forcing you to walk over to your console in the middle of gameplay in order to pause the action.

SNK: The leading experts of Engrish since 1978 ;)

[evildead2099]

Game Gear: We've given you the power of the Sega Master System, minus that inclusive Maze game.

Atari 2600 Jr.: Make no mistake, this console plays the same great games that helped crash the industry in 1983!

This is easily one of the best threads that I've come across on the Roundtable in a long time!

[Dahne]

Microsoft: Proving that no one has ever failed by underestimating the intelligence of the general public since 2001.

Rockstar: We're not just about mindless violence! Okay, we are, but the mindless violence is real fun.

(Note: I actually loved Vice City for the story LOL)

Squaresoft: Screw it, just go watch Fullmetal Alchemist instead.

Nintendo: We put our minds to making games, not making money. Oh boy are we ever in trouble.

Atlus: Equippable horse wiener. Beat THAT.

Virtual Boy: Augh! My retinas!

Game Boy: Cheerfully enslaving your mind through Tetris.

Konami: Making sense is for pansies.

[Someone]

Virtual Boy: *spokes man* "The Virtual Boy is so grteat it's... OH MY GOD MY EYES AHHHHHHHH! DEAR LORD WHY, OH THE HUMANTITY." *Nintendo rep* erm... moving on now..."
Worlds of Wonder: Nintendo rejected us for a reason.
Action Max: When you have light guns... do you really need fun... no siriously.

[evildead2099]

$ony: The Playstation 2's backward compatibility feature gives you the power to play the entire Playstation 1 game library* (* 95% of which is utter crap).

[Mark III]

Dreamcast: Our games cannot be pirated, just you try!

Any Limited Edition Game: Includes a very special bonus DVD which you'll NEVER watch.