christianscott27
01-14-2003, 10:44 PM
as you might of heard by now i'm working on a guide to classic handheld and tabletop games. one of things i enjoy most about guides is the little bit of commentary, the mini reviews and trivia. think of the "santulli slants" in the DP guide, short consise and sometimes witty reviews along with the usual price, rarity etc. i want my section to have lots of those, to help give it some flavor and make it more than just a list of facts. i think it would be pretty boring to just read one person's slant on things, even if that person is me, besides i dont own every game...so i turn to you the post reading public to share with me your handheld tabletop thoughts. is there a game that has a special place in your heart? a game that you played until your batteries died? a game on your shelf thats so cool you want to show it off? if so write up a short blurb on it and post it here, share the love and add to the database.
my trusty NECG pal clubninja has started the ball rolling, read on for his insightful blurbs
"The Bertulli Bend" on Tabletops
Tomy - Break Up
This has got to be the most disappointing Breakout clone ever. The ball
returns to your immovable paddle each and every time - all you're
required to do is press the "hit" key just before the ball would "pass
through" your paddle (represented by a little red bar painted on the
face of the game.) The first few times you play this gem, your score
will likely be 0 in the end. With some practice, though, you'll be able
to reach 5 or 6 before slamming the game to group. And who designed the
power system here? The 9-volt and three AA batteries would be more
useful holding up the short corner of a desk or jammed in a garbage
disposal.
Coleco - Head to Head Hockey
Now we're talking! Give me this over Mattel Football any day. Pass the
puck around until the lone defenseman and goalie get dizzy, then fire it
into the net. Scoring even lights the lamp, which puts this game
through the roof in style points. You can even abuse a friend by
forcing them to play defense against your all-star line (five players
are depicted on the face of the play area.) The only flaw here is that
the defensemen cannot shoot. What would Bobby Orr say?
Mattel - Auto Race
This game probably wins the award for smallest play area on a handheld.
Guide your candy-apple red race car to the end of the course by dodging
the other vehicles and passing them in one of three lanes. You can even
shift into higher gears to increase the play speed. Good clean fun if
you don't mind squinting. If you like this one, see Ski Slalom - it's
the exact same thing, just moving in the opposite direction.
Mattel - Armor Battle
Avoid invisible mines while tracking the enemy tank to its doom. Blast
that sucker, and you're rewarded with an irritating beeping. Even less
fun than it sounds.
Mattel - Star Hawk
A surprisingly enjoyable little treat from the first-person
perspective. Take off and shoot the bad guys out of the sky as they
pass by your crosshairs. A nifty explosion of light awaits with each
downed target. The game even tracks your altitude. Pretty advanced,
really.
Tandy - Caveman
In this dull adventure, you play the role of a goofy looking caveman
(hence the title) who's out to steal eggs from a fire-breathing
dinosaur. Hurl stone hatchets to stun the mother dinosaur, leaving her
unborn offspring vulnerable to your greedy caveman. Watch out for the
angry seagull ("Prehistoric Bird") and drops of lava ("Volcanic Bombs")
that stand in your way. This one would've been much better with the
inclusion of dragging your cavewife around by a fistful of hair.
Mattel - Ski Slalom
Why try to locate your very own Ski Slalom, when you can simply turn the
more common Auto Race game upside-down? See, that was easy, wasn't it?
Entex - Galaxian 2
Death-from-above kind of game, complete with diving enemies and falling
bombs (much like Galaxian, imagine that?) What makes this game so
great, though, is that a second player can control the enemy waves and
attack his lonely friend below. Add the stylish, space-age design of
the game's plastic shell to the mix, and you've got one top-shelf
offering from the folks at Entex!
Parker Bros - Q*bert
As excellent as Q*bert is, I've never really been able to play the game
for very long. My lack of skill and lack of interest never made that
good of a mix. Then came along tabletop Q*bert. It's not only a very
respectable port of the video game, but also something that I'm good
at! I can play this one until the batteries run out of juice. If your
parents didn't give you this game when you were a kid, then they
obviously didn't love you.
Tandy - Cobra Super Copter
In a shocking turn of events, this game turned out to be a Super Cobra
clone. Ok, so it's not so shocking. At least it's a *good* clone,
though, and well worth a play. The angular, space-aged design of this
game is clearly the single most contributing factor to Radio Shack's
continued success into the new millenium.
________
INTERRACIAL PUBLIC (http://www.fucktube.com/categories/715/public/videos/1)
my trusty NECG pal clubninja has started the ball rolling, read on for his insightful blurbs
"The Bertulli Bend" on Tabletops
Tomy - Break Up
This has got to be the most disappointing Breakout clone ever. The ball
returns to your immovable paddle each and every time - all you're
required to do is press the "hit" key just before the ball would "pass
through" your paddle (represented by a little red bar painted on the
face of the game.) The first few times you play this gem, your score
will likely be 0 in the end. With some practice, though, you'll be able
to reach 5 or 6 before slamming the game to group. And who designed the
power system here? The 9-volt and three AA batteries would be more
useful holding up the short corner of a desk or jammed in a garbage
disposal.
Coleco - Head to Head Hockey
Now we're talking! Give me this over Mattel Football any day. Pass the
puck around until the lone defenseman and goalie get dizzy, then fire it
into the net. Scoring even lights the lamp, which puts this game
through the roof in style points. You can even abuse a friend by
forcing them to play defense against your all-star line (five players
are depicted on the face of the play area.) The only flaw here is that
the defensemen cannot shoot. What would Bobby Orr say?
Mattel - Auto Race
This game probably wins the award for smallest play area on a handheld.
Guide your candy-apple red race car to the end of the course by dodging
the other vehicles and passing them in one of three lanes. You can even
shift into higher gears to increase the play speed. Good clean fun if
you don't mind squinting. If you like this one, see Ski Slalom - it's
the exact same thing, just moving in the opposite direction.
Mattel - Armor Battle
Avoid invisible mines while tracking the enemy tank to its doom. Blast
that sucker, and you're rewarded with an irritating beeping. Even less
fun than it sounds.
Mattel - Star Hawk
A surprisingly enjoyable little treat from the first-person
perspective. Take off and shoot the bad guys out of the sky as they
pass by your crosshairs. A nifty explosion of light awaits with each
downed target. The game even tracks your altitude. Pretty advanced,
really.
Tandy - Caveman
In this dull adventure, you play the role of a goofy looking caveman
(hence the title) who's out to steal eggs from a fire-breathing
dinosaur. Hurl stone hatchets to stun the mother dinosaur, leaving her
unborn offspring vulnerable to your greedy caveman. Watch out for the
angry seagull ("Prehistoric Bird") and drops of lava ("Volcanic Bombs")
that stand in your way. This one would've been much better with the
inclusion of dragging your cavewife around by a fistful of hair.
Mattel - Ski Slalom
Why try to locate your very own Ski Slalom, when you can simply turn the
more common Auto Race game upside-down? See, that was easy, wasn't it?
Entex - Galaxian 2
Death-from-above kind of game, complete with diving enemies and falling
bombs (much like Galaxian, imagine that?) What makes this game so
great, though, is that a second player can control the enemy waves and
attack his lonely friend below. Add the stylish, space-age design of
the game's plastic shell to the mix, and you've got one top-shelf
offering from the folks at Entex!
Parker Bros - Q*bert
As excellent as Q*bert is, I've never really been able to play the game
for very long. My lack of skill and lack of interest never made that
good of a mix. Then came along tabletop Q*bert. It's not only a very
respectable port of the video game, but also something that I'm good
at! I can play this one until the batteries run out of juice. If your
parents didn't give you this game when you were a kid, then they
obviously didn't love you.
Tandy - Cobra Super Copter
In a shocking turn of events, this game turned out to be a Super Cobra
clone. Ok, so it's not so shocking. At least it's a *good* clone,
though, and well worth a play. The angular, space-aged design of this
game is clearly the single most contributing factor to Radio Shack's
continued success into the new millenium.
________
INTERRACIAL PUBLIC (http://www.fucktube.com/categories/715/public/videos/1)