What's with EBGames.com's Customer Reviews?

[Cmosfm]

Whenever I plan on buying something, I rely on customer reviews, I hit Amazon.com or even Gamefaqs.com's review sections...they usually have both have pretty solid reviews from regular old Joes like you and I. Amazon especially, you'd expect reviews from adults, because they are the ones with the credit cards ordering the items.

Then you have EBGames.com's customer reviews. I've noticed a long, long time ago that the reviews are kinda, well....flakey. Very short and usually very worthless. I was browsing through some pre-played DS games to see what has price dropped lately (just Madden 05, ugh), and decided to check what people were saying about Robots.

Half of these reviews are from people who haven't even PLAYED the game, the others read like they are written by 10 year olds! It's treated more as a forum than a review section. I thought these were reviews written by credit card carrying adults who've bought games for themselves.

Check out these "gems" from Robots:

"i really like this game and the graphics are verry good. but i dont like the fact that its a side scroler. i like the fact that you can walk up and down but not that you cant turn up or down. and after i got supermario ds it kinda wreckd it for me because it should be that you can walk around like super mario."

"i never played this game but i saw a preveiw for i t and it is really fun you should buy this game "

"This game looks like it will be okay. It will probably have lame fighting, and basicly go off and get some things or do tasks. Who cares about graphics anyway, the graphics are probably better in real life. It is most likely a 2-D side scroller, either that or like the old fighting games where you could go up and down a short distance but still 2D side scrolling. "

"the game rocks" (yes, that was the entire review)

"mario was a showcase and the rest will be just a gba wiv 2 screens,
BORING, get a PSP"

...and on and on and on and on and on.

What the hell? Almost all games are like this, even games that aren't anywhere NEAR out have "reviews" for them.

Use this topic to talk/rant about EBGames customer reviews AND post any hilarious reviews that you find from the site. :D

[sisko]

Amazon reviews tend to be like this to, but not to that extent.

I always check metacritic.com for an aggregate of reviews on a game I am not sure about. It tends to be more accurate.

[Dobie]

I forget which game this review was for, but the author boldly proclaimed it the "BEST GAME EVER" in their review title, and then gave the game 3 stars. LOL

[Joker T]

Check out this Gizmondo review:

THIS THING LOOKS AWSOME!!!!!!!!I THINK THAT THE COOLEST THING IS THE GPS BECAUSE IT IS THE FIRST SYSTEM TO HAVE ONE!!!!!the games so far look pretty cool and i think the music and movies thing is a copy of PSP but it is still cool....i am definately buying this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@_@

A Bug's Life Review:
Wow i bought this game, and it was great! i dont care what other people think. This is the best strategy first-person shooter ever! buy it!

Air Hockey Review:
"This game is just fun if your bored just play it great multi player!

102 Dalmatians: Puppies to the rescue
"This game is about as cute as they come. Excellent game play & graphics.

Yeah these are Pathetic LOL

[Crush Crawfish]

God, the EB games reviews are so pathetic that it's not even funny. Oh wait, yes it is. Here are a few gems:

from Nintendogs:

" Nitendo Ds Stinks: 8/13/2005
WHAT IS UP WITH THE DS?
WHATS UP WIT THE DS? NiTENDO DOGS! where are the classics like zeld, titus fox,etc. The psp is kickin some, i mean they got wipeout pure, wretzy, nba street, and movies. I'm never buying another nitendo system again. "

You heard it here first folks, titus the fox is a classic. Oh, and this kid couldn't spell his way out of a paper bag. If you're going to flame a company for no good reason, at least spell their freaking name right. :roll:

from Zelda: twilight princess:

" 8/12/2005
TO THE MAX
THIS WILL BE THE BEST GAME EVER OOT ROCKED AND THIS WILL ROCK TO LEGEND OF ZELDA TWILIGHT PRINCESS TO THE MAX EXTREME.aka oot is ocarina of time."

Hear that folks? Zelda is gonna be MAAAAAX EXTREEEEEME!!!!!! I really hope kids don't actually talk like that.

from Metal slug 4&5:

" Lord Viper: 8/7/2005
AWESOME
I have metal slug roms for my original Neo Geo console, and they are amazing."

OMFG!!! U CAN PLAY TEH ROMZ ON TEH CONSOUL? TELL ME HOW PLZ K THX BYE. And there's no way in hell that kid owns a neo-geo.

That's it for now...my mind can only process so much stupidity at one time.

:D

[Joker T]

Darkwatch:
"I really want this game! Its like Van Helsing and Red Dead Revolver got married and Darkwatch is their baby! This game is going to be sick with CAPITAL LETTERS!

That sounds like a Hell of a game

I thought I might try something a bit different and look at accessories

Mad Catz Blaster:
"8its ok if it could vibrate i like it"

"This thing is so stupid, it is only compatible with 8 games for PS-2 and it compaible for more with PS-1. It's a waste of money. You have to buy specific games for it to work, it's a big waste."

Awww Crap i wanted to play Tony Hawk with it

N-GAGE
it is a bad thing to hangle and to program but if u had games and like to play them then this is good for u and if u lke to play games on ur moms cell fone and she dosent have alot of good games the u should get this it can make calls but also play games when u are bored!!!

[Cryomancer]

http://dreamcast.ign.com/articles/132/132898p1.html

IGN is so very mature and serious about their reporting. Notice that this is a PREVIEW that says "this game sucks" in the subject.

[evildead2099]

Whenever I plan on buying something, I rely on customer reviews, I hit Amazon.com or even Gamefaqs.com's review sections... Then you have EBGames.com's customer reviews. I've noticed a long, long time ago that the reviews are kinda, well....flakey. Very short and usually very worthless.

You're talking about EBgames. 'nuf said! :/

I've seen some pretty dumb reviews at gamefaqs and especially at Amazon. Epinions tends to feature better-written, more informed reviews, in my opinion.

[zmweasel]

http://dreamcast.ign.com/articles/132/132898p1.html

IGN is so very mature and serious about their reporting. Notice that this is a PREVIEW that says "this game sucks" in the subject.

Actually, it's a review of the Japanese version of the game.

Also, using the word "sucks" doesn't necessarily mean a writer can't be mature or serious when the situation calls for it. The write-up you cite was obviously a lark on IGN's part.

In his review of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Roger Ebert wrote, "Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks." Yet in the same week, he wrote insightful reviews of everything from The Aristocrats to Last Days. (Not that any writer on the IGN staff has one-tenth of Ebert's brain-power, but that's a different topic.)

-- Z.

[Nesmaster]

yeah i read a few once. but the grammar made my head asplode. They're great to read if you want to get angry LOL

[Cryomancer]

http://dreamcast.ign.com/articles/132/132898p1.html

IGN is so very mature and serious about their reporting. Notice that this is a PREVIEW that says "this game sucks" in the subject.

Actually, it's a review of the Japanese version of the game.

Also, using the word "sucks" doesn't necessarily mean a writer can't be mature or serious when the situation calls for it. The write-up you cite was obviously a lark on IGN's part.

In his review of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Roger Ebert wrote, "Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks." Yet in the same week, he wrote insightful reviews of everything from The Aristocrats to Last Days. (Not that any writer on the IGN staff has one-tenth of Ebert's brain-power, but that's a different topic.)

-- Z.

It's labelled as a preview. And it's not just that he said "sucks", it's that the subject is "This game sucks. We must make fun of it and its developers. Ha ha ha ha ha." and he then goes on to show how uninformed of the subject matter he is. Calling a game "lame, Lame, LAME!" isn't all that nice. YES it is fairly bland and not very deep, but it's fun for genre fans. Not to mention they don't seem to know that SD games are pretty common for these licenses.

But hey, it's opinion, I just think they brushed it off pretty quickly and made fun of it for no reason. I personally had no problem playing through this game to completion, and having a good time. I can't even read the language.

[zmweasel]

But hey, it's opinion, I just think they brushed it off pretty quickly and made fun of it for no reason. I personally had no problem playing through this game to completion, and having a good time. I can't even read the language.

Surely you don't feel all of IGN is immature because of one writer's five-year-old review (labeled as a preview, but it's obviously a review of the final Japanese version) with which you disagreed?

-- Z.

[DJBoy416]

EB Games` customer reviews make my eyes bleed.

[GarrettCRW]

Surely you don't feel all of IGN is immature because of one writer's five-year-old review (labeled as a preview, but it's obviously a review of the final Japanese version) with which you disagreed?

-- Z.

It's not like IGN has improved in those five years, you know. In fact, they've probably gotten worse.

[Captain Wrong]

I thought these were reviews written by credit card carrying adults who've bought games for themselves.

That's a dangerous assumption to make. Anytime you have something like that that's totally open and any swinging dick can write a review, they probably will.

BTW, I find a lot of amazon's reviews to be the same way. Hell, I've seen things that haven't even been released that have reviews. Not to mention occasionally you do run into what looks like paid "customer" reviews from time to time.

[n8littlefield]

My favorites (from Amazon) under the least helpful Nintendogs reviews were these two:

Why buy 3 cartridges when the PSP version will have all the breeds on ONE DISC?, September 4, 2005
A Kid's Review
Hello people, save your money! WAIT FOR THE PSP PORT OF NINTENDOGS. Why buy 3 Nintendogs DS cartridges to get all the breeds when, from what I've read and heard, the PSP version of Nintendogs will have all breeds on one UMD disc?!? (that's the beauty of optical media, all 3 breeds can fit onto one UMD disc rather than having to use 3 SEPERATE cartridges, as is seen in the DS version of Nintendogs).

So my advice is wait for the PSP version of Nintendogs. You'll only have to buy one UMD disc rather than 3 seperate cartridges (as is seen in the DS iteration of the game)....thus you'll have spare money to boot.


And...

Wait for the PSP port of the game....help the victims of Tsunami Katrina instead!, September 16, 2005
A Kid's Review
Hello, people! Wait for the PSP version of the game (which should be much better). You should use the $35, donate it to the Red Cross to help victims all the victims of Tsunami Katrina in New Orleans. And when the PSP port of Nintendogs comes out, you'll have a great game to boot.

Don't forget the victims of the great Tsunami!

Which is more important, a video game or the lives of the people affected by the great Tsunami in New Orleans?!?

[Sebastian]

I think you guys are sux....the reviewws i read on eb gamesss are wroten by me and my friendz from Rooswelt'z Middle Skoool.... this is like the worst forum ever - but i like the colors because they darkl like vampire red and black... but i don't like red cuz mario is red hat...and mario is gay - i don't play that gay game... i play classics like splinter cell
... anyway my mom told me to get off her laptop so i have ta go.... this forum still sux, u guys don't know games

peace out -t

[Joker T]

LOL

[shoes23]

Since this topic is essentially about awful reader reviews check this one out on IGN for 187 Ride or Die:

IGN Link (http://rr.ps2.ign.com/rr/683189/030/030969.html)

Obviously written by someone under the legal age to purchase the game, and based purely off a demo disk.

[zerohero]

I don't even take the reviews from gamestop or ebgames seriously 80% of the time.

[mills]

from that IGN review of Ride or Die:

" Sound
The sound is good especially for the music and the person you are says alot of cuss words"

"Lasting Appeal
I don't even know what Lasting Appeal means so thats the end of my review and I'm just guessing what i should put for the rating"

LOL LOL

[Gamereviewgod]

I don't think anyone can top the Ninendogs review, but here's one from Wrestlemania X8 on the 'Cube from Amazon:

this game had yet again potintel 2 b remember as one of da better wrestling games n gamecube history while dat didn't happen because of da graphic it looked 2 fake as if da creaters took a coloring book of da wrestlers and paste them on tv and said now that's 3 d graphics isn't da gameplay of da wrestlers isn't too bad but isn't too good either when a wrestler falls off da cell n a hiac match it is very funny at times but as very fake looking da graphics of da crowd is ok but could have looked better da create a wrestler is ok but u really don't have a lot of options n create a wrestlers so u have 2 b as creative as u can 2 create ur favorite wrestlers or create ur own wrestlers n this wrestling game i appreciate da creators add da wrestlers full entrance n da game but u can't c da whole entrance because when u watch da wrestlers make their entry 2 da ring and in2 da ring it just looks 2 unreal because da entry of da wrestlers was quickly rush i reckon they wanted da game players not 2 want 2 long 2 play da game so they kept da wrestlers entrance short and not sweet no story mode was da big downfall n this game i am a fan of story modes n a game because it makes da game feel more realistic when u knock da wrestlers down 2 da ground they get back up quicker than no mercy when u want 2 do a big move of da ladder during ladder or tlc matches which makes da game yet again fraud but they improve da wrestlers videos and song as it is more exact 2 da real thing n da wwf

[mills]

oh my god, I really wanna hear the person who wrote that review speak.