View Full Version : Well Somebody Smoked a Lot of Crack!
James
03-02-2006, 01:04 AM
I stumbled across this article the other day and was kinda shocked at this guys perception of Xbox 360. From what I can tell the system isn't perfect but Microsoft's been doing a bang up job with the system thus far, Live is streamlined and near perfect at this point making it Xbox's cornerstone competative edge over its competition but this guy didn't think so. Clearly out to lunch on how business works in the console relm.
Linky: http://www.games.net/features/107921.shtml
stressboy
03-02-2006, 01:27 AM
I would to take away his license to use the internet if there was such a thing.
I love his first point is to redesign a $700 360 just to look sleeker. Yeah sign me up for that shit paying $300 more just to save a few inches of space.
Yet in his last point he says they need to lower costs to the consumer. WTF.
Oh and Halo 2 IS the Xbox. x_x
njiska
03-02-2006, 07:34 AM
See this is what happens when you let idiots have a voice.
hezeuschrist
03-02-2006, 07:57 AM
ZOMG, TEH 360 HAS ONLY SHIPPED 2 MILLION UNITS IN 100 DAYZ, ITZ TEH DEADZ0RZ!!!1!!1!
By that time, the PS2 had already sold 600 million units and redesigned itself 4 times! PFFT!
Why do people even bother with doomsday theories anymore? The system has been out for literally, less than 100 days. He makes mention that the 360 needs a "Halo 2" sized app... a game that was launched exactly THREE YEARS after the Xbox. What the hell is wrong with this guy?
He claims Xbox live is broken because NCSoft said so... and then goes directly on to say how amazing the Live infrastructure is and to exploit it by digital distribution.
Wow.
evil_genius
03-02-2006, 08:08 AM
Deffinitely crack.
Oobgarm
03-02-2006, 09:25 AM
While 95% of the article was ridiculous and contradictory, I do agree with his idea that Microsoft needs to attract some MMOs.
Flack
03-02-2006, 10:04 AM
I think the article was really well written and thought out. Did you guys not read part two?
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Five MORE Ways to Save the Xbox 360
With both the PS3 and Nintendo's Revolution looming over the horizon, Microsoft is going to have to make some drastic changes to its Xbox 360. Here are five suggestions that the software (and now gaming) giant should do if they want to survive in the next generation of videogame consoles.
#1 - Add a Soft-Serv dispenser to the front of the Xbox 360
http://www.robohara.com/pix/junk/xbox360_ss.jpg
If there's one thing gamers love as much as games, it's ice cream. What better way to cool down a hot machine than with a serving of delicious and refreshing ice cream? The Xbox 360's massive husk could easily contain an entire soft-serv machine internally. Gamers could use Xbox Live to place their orders as well as join other groups of gamers who prefer their flavor of ice cream. For an additional $99, Microsoft could provide an add-on condiment dispenser that holds gummy bears, sprinkles, and crunched-up Oreos. Anytime someone says that you paid too much for your new console or that it locks up too much, quickly offer them a small dish of vanilla goodness -- that'll shut their pie hole!
#2 - Queer Eye for a Console
http://www.robohara.com/pix/junk/xbox360.jpg
The original Xbox was a big black brick. The Xbox 360 is a medium-sized white brick. What this baby needs is a fashion makeover, and who better to give some fashion eyes than those hunks from the hit television show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? They'll have the Xbox 360 looking so hip that all those teenage red carpet sluts will be wearing them as belt buckles as they walk the runways. Two must haves for the redesign would be a cute pair of googly-eyes, and a Magic 8-ball on the front of the console. While this help the machine's public image? (shake shake shake) Looks promising!
#3 - Team up with BattleBots to destroy the competition
http://www.robohara.com/pix/junk/xbox360_bb.jpg
There's a lot of spare room in the Xbox 360's case that could be used for spinning saw blades of death, giant electro-shock prods, and poisonous gas modules. Place that Nintendo Revolution any where near the Xbox 360 and watch that bad boy unleash the f'in fury. Tiny robotic scissors could even secretly cut the cords and cables from competitors' consoles while no one was looking. You could even add a pair of lips to the front of the 360, so that after the attack is complete it could whistle innocently. It is a tactic so violent and powerful, even Chuck Norris would approve.
#4 - Add support for HD1,000,000.
Let's face it; HD720 is old news and Sony has already announced that the PS3 will support HD1080 video modes. What's a console maker to do? Add support for HD1,000,000 (pronounced h d one million), that's what. Obviously no television could support such a resolution, but won't your friends think you got big balls when you tell them your console supports it? If anyone ever complains about your machine's graphic modes again, you can now blame it on your television set. "This King Kong game sure would look better if this TV supported HD1,000,000." If your friends keep yapping, have them foot the bill for the 3,000 daisy-chained HD televisions needed to prove it.
#5 - Buy All the Rights to Every Game Everywhere
This one's pretty simple. Microsoft should buy the rights to all games on the Earth. I suggest they start with the rights to all Nintendo games -- imagine the surprise on Mario's face when the Revolution is released and they suddenly realize they don't have anygames. Mama mia! And likewise, the PS3 won't stand a chance if all they're allowed to release is Mavis Beacon's Typing Tutor. A sub-thought here is that Microsoft should release a USB adapter for the Xbox 360 which lets you plug any kind of cartridge ever made into it. Your friends will poo poo and pee pee their britches when they see you dealing up some Intellivision BlackJack cards on your 360 -- in HD1,000,000!
njiska
03-02-2006, 10:42 AM
Oh i was a fool but now i see the light. Preach on Brother Flack, preach on.
CosmicMonkey
03-02-2006, 01:13 PM
Top priorities for a redesigned Xbox 360 (we'll call it "Xbox 360 NEO"): adding an HD-DVD drive, or at least a slot-loading DVD drive; integrating that ridiculous "power brick" AC adaptor into the main chassis; adding an embedded hard drive (ideally a 4 GB flash RAM microdrive); smoothing out known hardware flaws and overheating problems; and finally, slashing the weight of the whole system by at least 25 percent.
Yes, and I'm sure M$'s engineers would like to be able to do that too. But, due to the laws of physics this ain't happening. You want to shrink the system, put the PSU in there too and solve the overheating probs? Again, physics.....
Neo Rasa
03-02-2006, 01:36 PM
Stupid thing is that a lot of the feasible things on this guys list were already in the works. Final Fantasy XI is coming to it soon, it will OBVIOUSLY get a Grand Theft Auto game first if Sony takes any longer to make the PS3, etc.
Also the size reduction thing is ridiculous. I mean look at the size reduction between the original XBox and this, what more could you want?
It's not like the manufacturer can flip a switch from "Weight of system at 100%" to "Weight of system at 75%," the thing isn't even that heavy, AT ALL. It only seems it in the box because you have a bunch of other accessories and everything all crammed into that one package.
This thing is on par with those monthly "Is Nintendo doomed?" articles what's his name at IGN writes or a Slashdot update.
#3 Lock down Grand Theft Auto 4 as an Xbox 360 exclusive
Sony's deep, dark secret is that the PS2 was suffering from an identity crisis before Grand Theft Auto 3 came along. Microsoft needs to exploit that Achilles' Heel by buying exclusive rights to the next-gen Grand Theft Auto game at any cost--and we mean any cost.
WE? Holy crapola! You mean there are more than just one of these idiots running around? AARRGH! Run away! Run away!
They should make a game based on people like this. Civilization - Down Syndrome.
heybtbm
03-04-2006, 08:33 AM
This thing is on par with those monthly "Is Nintendo doomed?" articles what's his name at IGN writes or a Slashdot update.
Did you catch IGN's doomsday article this week? It was all about the end of single player games and how gaming will be ruined when every game is "multiplayer only". What's great about the article is how it's only based on two random comments from some executive at Sony...so IGN comes up with a "the sky is falling!" article. Complete idiots.