Kid Ice
04-01-2006, 01:18 AM
My wife has been sick with the flu for about a week now. I’ve been coming home from work every night, taking care of whatever she needs, and parking it in the living room to keep her company. This means I have been separated from my games, which all reside in the basement.
So of course this has gotten pretty tiresome. Tonight around 10 I get desperate enough to blow the dust off my Gameboy SP. This thing must have the battery of all batteries. I’ve had it for 2 years and charged it twice.
I have one of those GBA multicarts that has a bunch of NES games. Like, I don’t know, a million of them. Out of all those games I decide to play Gradius. I have a sick, masochistic relationship with this game. I’m not such a bad player when it comes to shooters, but for some reason I can’t get the hang of this one. What really doesn’t help is that I’ve never played it on a real Nintendo…I’ve always played it on the GBA or a PC emulator.
After absorbing the usual beating, I decide enough is enough. No more squinting at this tiny screen and cramping my hands holding this stupid little thing…I’m going to try this Gradius thing on a real Nintendo. I don’t want to abandon my wife in the family room, so I decide instead I’m going to go downstairs and grab a NES and a little monitor. I should have it all up and running in about five minutes, right?
Down into the basement I go. Now it dawns on me that I traded away all my toasters except one… a real old one that I haven’t played in at least ten years. The top loader won’t do because it doesn’t have video out. So I pull the toaster out from the shelf where it’s holding up a stack of carts. The Gradius cart is easy enough to find, and I grab Metroid in case that doesn’t work out.
Now for the monitor. The small monitor I had in mind for this task is being utilized for a makeshift Defender machine. The other one is hooked up to a C64. Behind the couch is an old, really old, Commodore 1802. I grab it by its convenient handle and haul it and the toaster and the two carts upstairs.
I set the monitor up on a wooden TV tray. The cord is wrapped around the handle, and I can’t for the life of me figure out how I shoved the plug, several times, inside of the small handle. Or more mysteriously, WHY. Anyway I’m eventually able to liberate the plug, and the monitor does work, albeit with a pronounced electronic whine which my wife immediately protests.
Next I go back to the basement to retrieve video cables and a power adapter. You would think I’d have loose video cables all over the place, but they are all spoken for by the three hundred or so consoles I have connected. I go into the closet and the best I can do is a pair of red and white audio cables. Good enough. I think. Next I find a Nintendo adapter and I’m ready to go.
Back upstairs. The power adapter does not fit. I guess it’s a Super Nintendo adapter. So I go back into the basement and hunt for another one. Can’t find one. So now I have to use the one from the top loader. The top loader is connected to a TV in the basement, along with about a dozen other consoles, yielding roughly nine million video cables and power supplies. I remove the top loader adapter with extreme prejudice, undoubtedly disconnecting some cables critical to the task of playing whatever I happen to be in the mood for in a couple of weeks.
I plug in the NES. The Commodore monitor has numerous video connections on the back. After some experimenting I get the reassuring grey and white blinking screen. Finally! I plug in the Gradius cart and settle back for a well-deserved late night gaming session.
Can you guess what happens next? Do I need to tell you? Have you ever owned a Nintendo in your life? The answers are yes, no, and yes, so you already know that the game does not work, that I get the blinking screen on the monitor and the blinking red light on the Nintendo. And you know what happens next, right? That’s right, a lot of cart jiggling and a lot of blowing.
Now logic fails. What I should do next is get some alcohol and a couple of Q-tips and clean the cart. But for some reason, in my mind, it would be easier to take the Nintendo apart and replace the pins. Mind you, this is something I have never done. At this point my wife is asleep and could care less if I go downstairs and play Gradius until 3 in the morning. Which is exactly what I should do, but I have crossed the point of no return.
Down to the basement I go. Phillips screwdriver retrieved. I have a new 72 pin connector ready to go for just such a rainy day. Since I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, I take out my laptop to consult the knowledge base. The laptop will not connect, so I go up to the 3rd floor to take care of that problem. Connect to DP, peruse the knowledge base, run a search on Yahoo, and bingo…I find a site with directions and pictures.
If you’ve never replaced an NES pin connector before, it’s actually pretty easy, however you have to remove (and replace) approximately 20 screws (this is not one of those numbers I am exaggerating). I had a little trouble replacing the piece of plastic that holds the cart, but otherwise the procedure went rather smoothly. The web site recommends cleaning any carts that are inserted into the new connector. So I do what I was avoiding in the first place, go upstairs and grab some Q-tips, down into the basement to get the alcohol, and clean the carts. The Metroid cart is unbelievably filthy. It’s as if someone blew crack smoke directly into the cart.
I put my wife to bed and give the carts a chance to dry. I insert the Gradius cart, and it works! Two problems; no sound, and the picture is black and white. I switch the audio cable to another plug, and the sound blasts throughout the house because apparently the volume was turned all the way up. The black and white thing I cannot figure out. I’m not sure if it’s a problem with the NES or the monitor.
So, two and a half hours later, I finally settle back to play some Gradius. The controller works perfectly…I’ve never been a big fan of the NES controller, but it is a huge improvement over the GBA, and it feels nice and broken in. I can’t quite get past the black and white thing…it makes it too hard to see which option you are selecting, and you can’t see the red ships that contain the power ups. Regardless, I’m able to beat level one for the first time in my life. Guess I should have tried this, oh I don’t know, fifteen or twenty years ago.
The second level is pretty much totally impossible, so I decide to play Metroid instead. I go to remove the Gradius cart, and… I can’t. It’s as if it’s glued inside the machine. If you’ve ever owned a Vic-20, it’s that kind of thing…the console holds the cart in a death grip. I actually have to PUT MY FOOT on the Nintendo to extract the cart. Finally I get the Metroid cart in there. This is another one I haven’t played on a real Nintendo, and it’s a real treat. PROTIP: When surrounded by numerous, life-draining creatures, shouting “Oh no!” does not help.
Moral of the story (or, what you already know):
-Sometimes the catch is better than the chase. Stop tinkering around with all that crap and start playing.
-Emulation just doesn’t cut it. Unless you are using Gens, MAME, or Magic Engine.
-Friday night projects are best left to Saturday morning.
So of course this has gotten pretty tiresome. Tonight around 10 I get desperate enough to blow the dust off my Gameboy SP. This thing must have the battery of all batteries. I’ve had it for 2 years and charged it twice.
I have one of those GBA multicarts that has a bunch of NES games. Like, I don’t know, a million of them. Out of all those games I decide to play Gradius. I have a sick, masochistic relationship with this game. I’m not such a bad player when it comes to shooters, but for some reason I can’t get the hang of this one. What really doesn’t help is that I’ve never played it on a real Nintendo…I’ve always played it on the GBA or a PC emulator.
After absorbing the usual beating, I decide enough is enough. No more squinting at this tiny screen and cramping my hands holding this stupid little thing…I’m going to try this Gradius thing on a real Nintendo. I don’t want to abandon my wife in the family room, so I decide instead I’m going to go downstairs and grab a NES and a little monitor. I should have it all up and running in about five minutes, right?
Down into the basement I go. Now it dawns on me that I traded away all my toasters except one… a real old one that I haven’t played in at least ten years. The top loader won’t do because it doesn’t have video out. So I pull the toaster out from the shelf where it’s holding up a stack of carts. The Gradius cart is easy enough to find, and I grab Metroid in case that doesn’t work out.
Now for the monitor. The small monitor I had in mind for this task is being utilized for a makeshift Defender machine. The other one is hooked up to a C64. Behind the couch is an old, really old, Commodore 1802. I grab it by its convenient handle and haul it and the toaster and the two carts upstairs.
I set the monitor up on a wooden TV tray. The cord is wrapped around the handle, and I can’t for the life of me figure out how I shoved the plug, several times, inside of the small handle. Or more mysteriously, WHY. Anyway I’m eventually able to liberate the plug, and the monitor does work, albeit with a pronounced electronic whine which my wife immediately protests.
Next I go back to the basement to retrieve video cables and a power adapter. You would think I’d have loose video cables all over the place, but they are all spoken for by the three hundred or so consoles I have connected. I go into the closet and the best I can do is a pair of red and white audio cables. Good enough. I think. Next I find a Nintendo adapter and I’m ready to go.
Back upstairs. The power adapter does not fit. I guess it’s a Super Nintendo adapter. So I go back into the basement and hunt for another one. Can’t find one. So now I have to use the one from the top loader. The top loader is connected to a TV in the basement, along with about a dozen other consoles, yielding roughly nine million video cables and power supplies. I remove the top loader adapter with extreme prejudice, undoubtedly disconnecting some cables critical to the task of playing whatever I happen to be in the mood for in a couple of weeks.
I plug in the NES. The Commodore monitor has numerous video connections on the back. After some experimenting I get the reassuring grey and white blinking screen. Finally! I plug in the Gradius cart and settle back for a well-deserved late night gaming session.
Can you guess what happens next? Do I need to tell you? Have you ever owned a Nintendo in your life? The answers are yes, no, and yes, so you already know that the game does not work, that I get the blinking screen on the monitor and the blinking red light on the Nintendo. And you know what happens next, right? That’s right, a lot of cart jiggling and a lot of blowing.
Now logic fails. What I should do next is get some alcohol and a couple of Q-tips and clean the cart. But for some reason, in my mind, it would be easier to take the Nintendo apart and replace the pins. Mind you, this is something I have never done. At this point my wife is asleep and could care less if I go downstairs and play Gradius until 3 in the morning. Which is exactly what I should do, but I have crossed the point of no return.
Down to the basement I go. Phillips screwdriver retrieved. I have a new 72 pin connector ready to go for just such a rainy day. Since I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, I take out my laptop to consult the knowledge base. The laptop will not connect, so I go up to the 3rd floor to take care of that problem. Connect to DP, peruse the knowledge base, run a search on Yahoo, and bingo…I find a site with directions and pictures.
If you’ve never replaced an NES pin connector before, it’s actually pretty easy, however you have to remove (and replace) approximately 20 screws (this is not one of those numbers I am exaggerating). I had a little trouble replacing the piece of plastic that holds the cart, but otherwise the procedure went rather smoothly. The web site recommends cleaning any carts that are inserted into the new connector. So I do what I was avoiding in the first place, go upstairs and grab some Q-tips, down into the basement to get the alcohol, and clean the carts. The Metroid cart is unbelievably filthy. It’s as if someone blew crack smoke directly into the cart.
I put my wife to bed and give the carts a chance to dry. I insert the Gradius cart, and it works! Two problems; no sound, and the picture is black and white. I switch the audio cable to another plug, and the sound blasts throughout the house because apparently the volume was turned all the way up. The black and white thing I cannot figure out. I’m not sure if it’s a problem with the NES or the monitor.
So, two and a half hours later, I finally settle back to play some Gradius. The controller works perfectly…I’ve never been a big fan of the NES controller, but it is a huge improvement over the GBA, and it feels nice and broken in. I can’t quite get past the black and white thing…it makes it too hard to see which option you are selecting, and you can’t see the red ships that contain the power ups. Regardless, I’m able to beat level one for the first time in my life. Guess I should have tried this, oh I don’t know, fifteen or twenty years ago.
The second level is pretty much totally impossible, so I decide to play Metroid instead. I go to remove the Gradius cart, and… I can’t. It’s as if it’s glued inside the machine. If you’ve ever owned a Vic-20, it’s that kind of thing…the console holds the cart in a death grip. I actually have to PUT MY FOOT on the Nintendo to extract the cart. Finally I get the Metroid cart in there. This is another one I haven’t played on a real Nintendo, and it’s a real treat. PROTIP: When surrounded by numerous, life-draining creatures, shouting “Oh no!” does not help.
Moral of the story (or, what you already know):
-Sometimes the catch is better than the chase. Stop tinkering around with all that crap and start playing.
-Emulation just doesn’t cut it. Unless you are using Gens, MAME, or Magic Engine.
-Friday night projects are best left to Saturday morning.