7th lutz
03-27-2007, 06:13 PM
It was in the Aprils fools Section in the April issue of magazine with the section being called Gameinfacer. They created a game reviewer called Jacques Bronson the Reactionary Gamer. His Expertise is: Shouting making phone calls. His interests are Passing my LSAT someday, Drawing Nonexistant connections Between life and video games, sending Unsolicited Letters and Emails, The Children. He also dislikes fun. His favorite games are Microsoft word, Tax Break 2004, and Minesweeper
Next thing they did is showing what Jack Thompson would do if he reviewed a game.
They had "Jacques" do a review for a game for the Wii called Mother Theresa's Feed The Starving Children. This is what "Jacque" wrote about the game: It is well-documented fact that video games influence the frontal lobe of our Cildren's brains. The frontal lobes are where we house our intuition, judgement, and sexual behavior. Do we really want mother Theresa anywhere near the sexual behavior centers of our kids' brains? This game claims to be a cooking simulation, but the players use knives. Do you know the most common use of knives in the U.s. is gamers stabbing each other? That is an uneverifiable fact. It si also a well-known controvable truth that any child can walk into a store and buy whatever game they want reguardless of ratings. this is my Challenge to the industry: Create a game this is actually about helping those in need and making a difference - like Phoenix Wright, but with less shouting. And if somebody makes this game I will personally donate $5,000 to a charity that feeds the homeless.* On a side note, the Wii Ball peripheral works great with this game. Whether you're using the Wii BBalls to pick up succulent fruit or crack open some tasty nuts, this is some of the smoothest ball action I've ever experience.-Jacques
*This does not legally obligate Jacques, in any way, to actually donate to charity.
Here is "Jacques" bottom line: -10
They also also have "Jacques" describe the game under these Categories with statesments:
Cocept: Under the guise of learning to cook and feed and share with the less fortunate, this game teaches our kids to kill.
Graphics: Yes! Terribly Graphic! More realistic then a movie!
Playability" Perfectly intuitive like a sniper rifle.
Entertainment: Only those twisted antireligious freaks who have sold their black hearts to satan.
Replay Value: You play this once, and you forfeit you soul forever.
Does this sound like Japues is Jack Thompson or what! How long do think it will take Thompson to be after Gameinformer after this portrayal of him?
Next thing they did is showing what Jack Thompson would do if he reviewed a game.
They had "Jacques" do a review for a game for the Wii called Mother Theresa's Feed The Starving Children. This is what "Jacque" wrote about the game: It is well-documented fact that video games influence the frontal lobe of our Cildren's brains. The frontal lobes are where we house our intuition, judgement, and sexual behavior. Do we really want mother Theresa anywhere near the sexual behavior centers of our kids' brains? This game claims to be a cooking simulation, but the players use knives. Do you know the most common use of knives in the U.s. is gamers stabbing each other? That is an uneverifiable fact. It si also a well-known controvable truth that any child can walk into a store and buy whatever game they want reguardless of ratings. this is my Challenge to the industry: Create a game this is actually about helping those in need and making a difference - like Phoenix Wright, but with less shouting. And if somebody makes this game I will personally donate $5,000 to a charity that feeds the homeless.* On a side note, the Wii Ball peripheral works great with this game. Whether you're using the Wii BBalls to pick up succulent fruit or crack open some tasty nuts, this is some of the smoothest ball action I've ever experience.-Jacques
*This does not legally obligate Jacques, in any way, to actually donate to charity.
Here is "Jacques" bottom line: -10
They also also have "Jacques" describe the game under these Categories with statesments:
Cocept: Under the guise of learning to cook and feed and share with the less fortunate, this game teaches our kids to kill.
Graphics: Yes! Terribly Graphic! More realistic then a movie!
Playability" Perfectly intuitive like a sniper rifle.
Entertainment: Only those twisted antireligious freaks who have sold their black hearts to satan.
Replay Value: You play this once, and you forfeit you soul forever.
Does this sound like Japues is Jack Thompson or what! How long do think it will take Thompson to be after Gameinformer after this portrayal of him?