Castlevania movie drops whip for sword [Joystiq]

[CosmicMonkey]

I'm sure this decision was reached through focus group research where the focus group consensus was "Whips are for pussies." C'mon, you know that's how it went down.

Methinks Dr. Jones would disagree.

[Icarus Moonsight]

double time... whoops.

[Icarus Moonsight]

I disagree as well. I love Indy, Castlevania and Catwoman (not the movie! ). The lower than average population of a focus group is who they more than likely took the word of though. Go get 'em Dr. Jones!

[RadiantSvgun]

I love Kotaku's headline for this story. It was almost Onion-esque.

FYI: They already made this movie...it was called Van Helsing, and it sucked.

Whoa... Simon is a black human/vampire hybrid? What game was this revealed?!?! I thought I have played them all. Apparently not.

Yeah, I'm missing that game too. @.@

I'm not surprised considering the popularity of the recent IGA games.

For what it's worth, though, Simon did use a sword in Haunted Castle. It's the best weapon in the game. Yes, I played that far, and I actually enjoyed it. :P I even beat it.

Haunted Castle is pretty fun, its not that hard once you memorize a few tricks here and there, but for the most part, its quarter stealing hard.

[rbudrick]

It gets worse. I just read that they are doing away with the sword and his main weapon will be farts. With his ass.

-Rob

[Icarus Moonsight]

Wario: It's a me! Wario!

Anderson: But, what happened to Simon?

Wario: He had a sack of garlic on his hip so I ate him. Let's make some money... err... movies! Yeah! wahaha! *atomic fart* (From a dessert vantage a mushroom cloud erupts over Hollywood) (Star Wipe) (Credits)

[TonyTheTiger]

I don't get it. It's not like a whip (chain or otherwise) is that hard to work with. Antonio Banderas shot people with a friggin' guitar for crying out loud. So it's not like they wracked their brains trying to figure out how to use the whip and couldn't come up with something. This is just a case of Anderson doing what he does best: cookie cutter filmmaking.

He makes movies from what's probably an instruction manual written by the same people who give us those "How to Draw Manga" books. "Whip? That's not a common weapon. And it's not mentioned in this how-to book at all! This book keeps talking about swords. I guess I have no choice. The book has spoken."

[Rob2600]

He makes movies from what's probably an instruction manual written by the same people who give us those "How to Draw Manga" books. "Whip? That's not a common weapon. And it's not mentioned in this how-to book at all! This book keeps talking about swords. I guess I have no choice. The book has spoken."

Hilarious!

[Zap!]

As much as I hate new laws, Congress has to propose a new law to the Constitution:

Ammendment 28: No one shall write, direct, produce, or star in any movie based on a video game, cartoon, toy, or book unless they were huge fans of the original when they were younger.

Had this been law, Michael asshole Bay would have been arrested for his mangling of Transformers.

[Jorpho]

Ammendment 28: No one shall write, direct, produce, or star in any movie based on a video game, cartoon, toy, or book unless they were huge fans of the original when they were younger.

Had this been law, Michael asshole Bay would have been arrested for his mangling of Transformers.

Except the Transformers movie actually got pretty good reviews and made enough bagfuls of money that the sequel got the go-ahead. OH SNAP

[Rob2600]

Except the Transformers movie actually got pretty good reviews and made enough bagfuls of money that the sequel got the go-ahead. OH SNAP

I don't care what the reviews said, Transformers (2007) was an abomination, both as an action movie and as a Transformers movie.

[Zap!]

Except the Transformers movie actually got pretty good reviews and made enough bagfuls of money that the sequel got the go-ahead. OH SNAP

And those reviewers were 50-75 year old men and women who obviously weren't obsessive TF fans in the mid-80's like us, so F'em. They should have no say.

[Jorpho]

And those reviewers were 50-75 year old men and women who obviously weren't obsessive TF fans in the mid-80's like us, so F'em. They should have no say.

And neither should the thousands upon thousands of people who bought tickets and DVDs, then? Or the people who read these reviews by 50-75 year old critics often enough to keep such critics in business?

It is one thing when a director (and writers, producers, etc) tampers with the source material and creates an abomination that has no merit as a movie, much less as an adaptation. But when the product is an undisputably resounding success by at least some standards, it is not time to start calling for constitutional amendments!

[TonyTheTiger]

As much as I hate new laws, Congress has to propose a new law to the Constitution:

Ammendment 28: No one shall write, direct, produce, or star in any movie based on a video game, cartoon, toy, or book unless they were huge fans of the original when they were younger.

Had this been law, Michael asshole Bay would have been arrested for his mangling of Transformers.

I vehemently disagree for two reasons:

1) I actually found that Bay made Transformers authentic enough. Big robots, boom! I don't see how it could have been made any more accurate without resorting to things that were stupid even back then (Megatron turning into a handgun for instance). Whether or not it was actually a good movie, that's a whole other issue. Personally, I think it's a fun popcorn flick. Which, in reality, is what Transformers has always been about anyway. We watch it for the "Big robots, boom!"

2) Honestly, I think die hard fans of the video game should stay the hell away from movies about that video game. Otherwise you end up with a fanboy circle jerk of a debacle. The first step to making a good video game movie is to...gasp...make a good movie. The problem isn't really that Anderson is screwing with Castlevania so much that he's just not a good filmmaker at all. Video game or otherwise. This movie could be called "Monster Assassin" and it would be the same cookie cutter nonsense as it would under the title "Castlevania."

In fact, this sort of ties into my first point. A lot of the people who scream for Michael Bay's head on a silver platter for "ruining" Transformers seem to have little idea of how to make the movie better outside of "OMG how did they not include this guy/weapon/music?"

I happen to think the biggest flaw of the film had nothing to do with the Autobots and Decepticons themselves. It had to do with the fact that they were trying to imitate Independence Day's structure of following different people from different walks of life in the disaster but appeared to have stopped half way through so that aspect fell flat.

[Zap!]

And neither should the thousands upon thousands of people who bought tickets and DVDs, then? Or the people who read these reviews by 50-75 year old critics often enough to keep such critics in business?

It is one thing when a director (and writers, producers, etc) tampers with the source material and creates an abomination that has no merit as a movie, much less as an adaptation. But when the product is an undisputably resounding success by at least some standards, it is not time to start calling for constitutional amendments!

Look, I don't hate TF the movie. It was pretty good, but it wasn't TF. Nothing like the old cartoon or comic book. Go on TF forums and see how much the hardcore fans like the movie. They don't. Michael Bay is in his mid 40's, and he was not a fan of TF in the mid 80's. He's even stated that (obviously, he was too old). He had no business directing that movie. Someone who was a hardcore fan like myself should have directed it.

BTW, the Constitutional Amendment was satire.

[Zap!]

I vehemently disagree for two reasons:

1) I actually found that Bay made Transformers authentic enough. Big robots, boom! I don't see how it could have been made any more accurate without resorting to things that were stupid even back then (Megatron turning into a handgun for instance). Whether or not it was actually a good movie, that's a whole other issue. Personally, I think it's a fun popcorn flick. Which, in reality, is what Transformers has always been about anyway. We watch it for the "Big robots, boom!"

2) Honestly, I think die hard fans of the video game should stay the hell away from movies about that video game. Otherwise you end up with a fanboy circle jerk of a debacle. The first step to making a good video game movie is...gasp...making a good movie first. The problem isn't really that Anderson is screwing with Castlevania so much that he's just not a good filmmaker at all. Video game or otherwise.

In fact, this sort of ties into my first point. A lot of the people who scream for Michael Bay's head on a silver platter for "ruining" Transformers seem to have little idea of how to make the movie better outside of "OMG how did they not include this guy/weapon/music?"

I happen to think the biggest flaw of the film had nothing to do with the Autobots and Decepticons themselves. It had to do with the fact that they were trying to imitate Independence Day's structure of following different people from different walks of life in the disaster but appeared to have stopped half way through so that aspect fell flat.

Why was Bumblebee a Camero? How did Bumblebee change from a beat-up, late 70's Camero to a brand new Camero in seconds? Transformers don't have magical powers, they can't do that. Why wasn't Sparkplug Witwicky a mechanic? Where was the Arc? TF came here 4 million years go. Why was TF history re-written? Where was Teletron 1? But you want to know the absolute WORST part? the guy who voiced Megatron in the cartoon was contacted, but Michael Bay said he didn't like his voice, and it wasn't mean enough. For that I can NEVER forgive him.

[TonyTheTiger]

Look, I don't hate TF the movie. It was pretty good, but it wasn't TF. Nothing like the old cartoon or comic book.

It had big robots named Optimus Prime and Megatron. They were leaders of warring factions of machines from a distant planet called Cybertron. They change into various Earth vehicles. Optimus Prime was voiced by Peter Cullen. The good robots befriended a teenager. Hell, they even played the cheesy transforming sound (which, by the way, was jarring and probably a bad inclusion).

...I fail to see where this is nothing like the old cartoon or comic book. They seem to have gotten all the major points down while including a few 'nods' in the meantime.

Go on TF forums and see how much the hardcore fans like the movie. They don't.

Hence my comment about the "fanboy circle jerk." Really, what were these hardcore fans expecting? I'm a hardcore Castlevania fan and I'd be appalled if I walked into a Castlevania movie and saw Simon walking slowly to the rhythm of the Belmont Power Strut while whipping random floating candles, killing one skeleton, two skeleton, three skeleton, one Medusa head, two Medusa head, a Merman, a boss, grabbing the glowing red orb, and moving on. I'd be both appalled and confused. Just like I'd be appalled and confused if I walked into a Zelda movie and Link didn't say anything other then "AAAAYYAAAA!!!!" And Megatron turning into a handgun appalled and confused me even at 7 years old. So, frankly, it's good that they gave that the boot.

Michael Bay is in his mid 40's, and he was not a fan of TF in the mid 80's. He's even stated that (obviously, he was too old). He had no business directing that movie. Someone who was a hardcore fan like myself should have directed it.

BTW, the Constitutional Amendment was satire.

Before you can adapt something to a target medium, you have to know what makes a good entry in that target medium in the first place. Unless you know how to make a good movie, you aren't going to make a good movie adaptation of anything, fan or not. The fact that someone is a hardcore fan of something in no way suggests that person is capable of adapting it to an entirely different medium with different "rules" and stuff. Why not reverse this? Do you think video game adaptations of movies would be better if the filmmakers themselves sat down to develop it? Something tells me the answer would be a resounding "no."

Why was Bumblebee a Camero?

Because Volkswagon refused to grant the use of their car in a violent action movie. And, wow, big big problem, right?

How did Bumblebee change from a beat-up, late 70's Camero to a brand new Camero in seconds?

Magic.

Transformers don't have magical powers, they can't do that.

You're seriously nitpicking and you know it. They can mimic vehicles. So the movie sped it up a bit. Big deal.

Why wasn't Sparkplug Witwicky a mechanic?

What was he? I don't recall them mentioning his career.

Where was the Arc? TF came here 4 million years go. Why was TF history re-written? Where was Teletron 1? But you want to know the absolute WORST part? the guy who voiced Megatron in the cartoon was contacted, but Michael Bay said he didn't like his voice, and it wasn't mean enough. For that I can NEVER forgive him.

"The guy who voiced Megatron"? I do hope you know Frank Welker's name. Besides, what you're proposing are pretty minor details perhaps with the exception of Welker. I can't even come close to taking it seriously when you complain about when the Autobots showed up or Sparkplug's job. The movie would be in no way improved if they included everything you listed.

I don't get how Bumblebee as a Camaro and Sparkplug perhaps not being a mechanic somehow make the movie unlike the source material when it did include all of the most important aspects.

But you did prove my point that die hard fans have to stay the hell away from film adaptations.

[Rob2600]

I agree with White Knight. As a fan of the original Transformers cartoon series and movie, I thought the new movie was a waste of time and money. The Transformers were barely in the movie and barely spoke. Also, their robot forms were completely idiotic looking and they took too long to transform. The whole thing was stupid.

This thread is already off topic as it is, so I'll refrain from listing the many other things that were wrong with the movie.

[Jorpho]

He had no business directing that movie. Someone who was a hardcore fan like myself should have directed it.

And then they might have ended up with a product that would have made no sense to the public at large and subsequently only made a tenth of the profits. But gee, they would have pleased all those legions of Hardcore Fans, and that's what counts, not making hundreds of millions of dollars, right?

I'm a hardcore Castlevania fan and I'd be appalled if I walked into a Castlevania movie and saw Simon walking slowly to the rhythm of the Belmont Power Strut while whipping random floating candles

Ooh, how surrealist! (But then, from what little I know of the Resident Evil movies, they can be kind of surrealist too.)

[boatofcar]

Hence my comment about the "fanboy circle jerk." Really, what were these hardcore fans expecting? I'm a hardcore Castlevania fan and I'd be appalled if I walked into a Castlevania movie and saw Simon walking slowly to the rhythm of the Belmont Power Strut while whipping random floating candles, killing one skeleton, two skeleton, three skeleton, one Medusa head, two Medusa head, a Merman, a boss, grabbing the glowing red orb, and moving on. I'd be both appalled and confused. Just like I'd be appalled and confused if I walked into a Zelda movie and Link didn't say anything other then "AAAAYYAAAA!!!!" And Megatron turning into a handgun appalled and confused me even at 7 years old. So, frankly, it's good that they gave that the boot.

QFT. Awesome post.