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Thread: my final fantasy 13 review

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    Insert Coin (Level 0) riderpool's Avatar
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    Default my final fantasy 13 review

    Before I start I will try not to say the F or S words.

    Final Fantasy XII...where do I start?

    I mean I really REALLY wanted to like this game...I enjoyed EVERY final fantasy before this...even XI. Can anyone actually say they enjoyed XI?


    I played I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, The adventure series, the legend series, the tactics series, the shitty sequels like X-2 and dirge of cerberus, Revenent wings! I even played the spin offs like Chocobo dungeon and Kingdom Hearts and all its sequels/prequels/quels. I think its safe to say I even considered playing XIV til the reviews came out. That was 50 bucks saved.

    But this?

    This is a slap in the face of EVERY final fantasy fan. This is worse than VIII, this is worse than the spirits within, this is...ok its not AS bad as X-2 and Dirge of Cerberus. But its close! Why do I have such contempt for a franchise that I love to the point of repairing my play arts Yuna's arm? Well I guess I should explain.

    First of the story needs to be congratulated for just cutting the middle man and just having a pedophillic romance brood between The characters Hope and Lightning. You see hope is 14 and lightning is in her 20s...Now let that sink in...ok now realize THIS is the only set of characters I can recognize with! Is this sad and pathetic that the only people I connect with are a sex changed cloud and mini cloud...oh my god...let me get that out of my head!

    Ok...the story, the story.

    The story is not simple so heres the jist...your fucked! You and 6 of the most unluckiest bastards are tasked with saving the world from an evil author...wait a moment haven't we been here before? Come to think about it, the first thing that happened is girl cloud and her african american friend are on a train trying to stop said evil authori...oh for the love of jenova we HAVE been here before!

    This is nearly the same thing that happened in the beginning of Final Fantasy VII! Dun believe me? Watch this!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBvnot7pkvg

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQw9_bGj9gE

    Its not the same but the intention is the same! Look Square, Fans want a remake you won't make but this is not the way we want it! Just cut the bull and remake FFVII in todays graphics! Make it episodical if you have to. We proved we'll buy any crap you throw at us, the PS3 and 360 FFXIII packages are proof! Why not give us what we want?



    THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT!

    Ok, back to the story...oh f...f...forget it. Just go play the game if you want to know! This story is confusing but it has a good narrative which is good since it gets confusing. Each character may be cookie cut from the FF generator but it still has unique characters like Sazh who is trying to find a way to save his son from a fate worse than death, and Vanille...who;s just fucking nuts. Sorry I just cannot not use swears this time to describe this game but its just damn hard...look at this, I spent a whole damn page and did not get to anything else T_T.

    Ok I guess I can say some positives before I bash it further with a tack hammer. The graphics as always excel in a Final Fantasy game with amazing hair, clothing and facial effects. The water looks like actual water and even the NPCs have detail. One of the cooler things are these little buggers.

    Sheep

    These wittle bitty things are the cutest cuddliest thing to ever be introduced since the moogle! I just want to buy a plush so I can hug the widdle guy to death! Aw it said meh!

    FAN SLAP!!!!

    Ryder: GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK!!!

    ...crazy bitch

    FAN SLAP!!!

    Ryder: I HEARD THAT!!!

    FINE!

    Dammit! Never go into work with your alternate universe self, especially if said self is more macho than you.

    Anyway the graphics. The summons in this game are much more detailed as Alexander looks like Optimus Prime...no joke. I was making jokes about summons with a friend and sadly I think that someone at Square is watching too much Transformers. The Summons transform into cars and bikes and freakin walls!

    ...no joke Alexander turns into a damn wall with guns! Imagine if Ramuh transformed into Raiden from Mortal Kombat...That would be bad ass!. The most redundant is Bahumut turning into what I still cannot believe...the blue eyes white dragon...no joke. Before any Yu gi oh fans email me I dun care. Another thing is the cut scenes are well designed and do well conveying the story and before anyone ask I did notice a bit of a change going from PS3 to 360 but its mostly resolution differences.

    The graphics do have some problems with load times in certain areas which are normal in final fantasy but these are way longer than even FFVII's world map load times and since there is no world map there is no excuse in this case for it. Another thing is frame bleeding as I see white spots in mountains, streets, and even sometimes monsters. I'm gonna basically chalk it up to the 360 but if I end up reviewing the ps3 version if I see it I will bring it up

    The sound is amazing. The boss battle alone is worth the price and the new chocobo theme is upbeat and colorful. Each track is an amazing throwback to old school FF with both rock guitar and classical symphonies that sound as epic as ever.


    Now the Controls...ok.

    Ok to the battle system. The meat in the JRPG BLT UC. The battle systems of old have been replaced with the paradigm system which is a throwback once again to ye olde final fantasy but is also something that was brought over from FFX-2 that I thought if done well could work and this is an example of how not and how to do it right.

    The Right ^-0

    Being able to switch teams of paradigms is easy with a touch of a button. The basic roles are

    Ravager (Black Mage)
    Commando (Fighter/Black Belt)
    Synergist (Support Magic)
    Saboteur (Debuff magic)
    Medic (White Mage)
    Sentinel (Tank)

    I have no way of determining how many awesome combos can be made from this system but its big. The Characters are AI controlled and they show basic survival instincts and when you scan an enemy they adapt to said enemy with there paradigm. So for Example you have an enemy with a weakness to both fire and physical attacks, the Synergist would buff you up to inflict fire damage along with your added on buffs, while the saboteur would debuff said enemy to take more fire damage and more physical damage.

    This leads to situations that could make the hardest battles seemingly easy as hell. These could also turn the tides of battles as well. Leveling up has been replaced with the crystarium. A throwback to the Sphere grid of FFX. For every battle won you gain crystal points which are used to upgrade your stats, earn spells, and techs for use in battle. You also use the crystarium to level up your paradigm roles which adds more to the grid to upgrade.

    Sadly, this also gas a double edge to this sword as getting points is extremely annoying and finding areas to grind the extreme amount of points needed for the final parts of the crystarium is fucking annoying. Its made worse by the fact that most enemies even the most highest are only 5000, and thats enemies I have faced so far that are not boss based.

    This is also bundled with the weird difficult curve which can range from ungodly hard to insultingly easy. The last boss in particular is easy once you get a basic buff/debuff/ravaging combo down. Sometimes this gets really annoying as before the boss battle you fight monsters that should have been fighting as bosses. Some enemies can auto cast buffs right away as battles start which is the games way of basically telling me to piss off I believe.

    Also why does the game explain how to upgrade weapons and items but not to tell me what crystals and stones do so I know after a item reaches * level I can upgrade it to the next part? On top of that there is only accessory slots. No armor slot, no helmet, no bracer, no nothing but accessories to rely on making the characters stronger. This is made worse as you need to upgrade the crystarium to get more than 1 slot! This is made even more monotonous as sometimes the accessories are bloody useless! Why do I need some of these useless things. I never once needed a elemental bracelet. Even fighting enemies that had said elemental status of ice, fire etc.

    These seem stupid to gripe on but I'm not done at all yet. Although some areas LOOK big the game is extremely linear and has very little in the terms of exploration. Most exploration cannot be done until disc 3 and thats about 20-25 hours of gameplay and even then its only in places on disc 3. Why can't I go back to the amusement park, the junk yard, or any other places? Why can I only go back to the village, the tower, Eden and the big ass field area. Despite adding missions near the end why praytell is this game such a huge step back from Final Fantasy XIII?

    FFXII featured an almost MMO style of game with missions being able to be taken right from the get go, vast areas to explore, decent character customization that rewarded thinking outside the box, an easy leveling up system with the license system which meant you could make decisions on how a characters role was defined, A great battle system with AI controlled partners that could use items and best off if the character you control got knocked out you switched over to another character.

    That's the kiss of death in this game. The 2 things that KILL this game getting any chance of a buy rating. The fact that no matter what...NONE OF MY AI CONTROLLED CHARACTERS CAN USE ANY ITEMS, AND IF I DIE THE GAMES OVER!

    Why?

    What stupid idiot coded the game to do that? This is unforgivable. You do not do this! If you make AI controlled partners you give them item use! Sorry to steal from the Angry Video Game Nerd AKA James Rolfe but this is SHIT SAUCE! This is megaman X6 levels of doucebaggery.

    These are just many of the reason why this game will not be getting any game of the year awards even if released in 2011. Yahtzee gave this his no.4 worst game of the year but it won't go that far from me. For me this game is that certain type of rushed out. Its not rushed enough to be bad but it was not tested enough to be good. It does not feel like a final fantasy game. It feels like it should have been its own game rather than an entry into this series.

    MY rating for this game is broken into 2 parts. The non fans and the fans.

    For fans: Try
    Its worth a look but true fans already bought this and are disappointed.

    For non fans:Rent or avoid
    If you wanna try a different RPG then check this out otherwise avoid like its my Calling review all over again.

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    Well, duh.

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    Kirby (Level 13) megasdkirby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by riderpool View Post
    This is megaman X6 levels of doucebaggery.
    I actually enjoyed Mega Man X6...
    Proud owner of a Neo 25 Neo Geo Candy Cab!

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    Insert Coin (Level 0) riderpool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by megasdkirby View Post
    I actually enjoyed Mega Man X6...
    well its a jump on the final part of the game that always got me and a friend
    I believe in a thing called DIVORCE

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    ServBot (Level 11) Edmond Dantes's Avatar
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    This review didn't make a lick of sense to me. No offense, but somebody should really have proofread this thing before it was posted.

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    tl;dr: This game is not good.
    RIP bargora, you will be greatly missed.That is how we do things on Giedion Prime.

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    ServBot (Level 11) Edmond Dantes's Avatar
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    Has any Final Fantasy game been good since part seven?

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    Final Fantasy IX is excellent.
    Life is like a hurricane...

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    Quote Originally Posted by DuckTalesNES View Post
    Final Fantasy IX is excellent.
    true that
    I believe in a thing called DIVORCE

    www.riderkid.deviantart.com

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    Insert Coin (Level 0) riderpool's Avatar
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    true on IX and to answer i do these reviews for another site. despite asking on other sites no one wants to proof read my work which makes me want to better myself. i still cannot remember how my their/there works but since starting my spelling has gotten better but i still sometime blur the the games and accidently put the m after the g.
    I believe in a thing called DIVORCE

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    Insert Coin (Level 0) Atamos's Avatar
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    You feel better now ?

    I hate this game too.

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    Insert Coin (Level 0) riderpool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atamos View Post
    You feel better now ?

    I hate this game too.
    yes i feel better.
    I believe in a thing called DIVORCE

    www.riderkid.deviantart.com

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    ServBot (Level 11) Edmond Dantes's Avatar
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    Here's a heads-up:

    "There" = refers to locations. "The pencil is over there." "That there is the cathedral."

    "Their" = refers to people. "All their opinions are based on sex and lies." "Somebody ate all their cheese."

    Rough guide to writing a review!

    It should look something like this.

    "This is the opening paragraph. Here I will try to sound all eloquent and stuff so that you'll get the idea I know what I'm talking about. I'll also tell a little bit of a story regarding how whatever I'm reviewing relates to myself, again to give you the idea that I know what I'm talking about. Throughout, I try to maintain clear language and follow grammatical conventions (though I can break rules sometime, like the endless run-on sentences you've been reading, but its okay as long as you know what I'm talking about). Remember: Clarity is more important than anything. If you can't describe it in a way that makes sense to anyone but you, just skip that part.

    Now, about the game itself. In this paragraph we state the straightforward junk. So I'm going to say that Hypothetical Example Game 2 is an Action-RPG developed by TriOptimum, the guys who were responsible for that crap in Detroit sometime ago. Now I describe the plot, which is that you are a gay banana trying to take over the world. You can mention that there's a plot twist fifteen minutes in, but general review protocol is try to avoid spoilers if at all possible.

    If you must talk about a scene you really liked, just say 'I particularly liked the part where the banana slipped on a banana peel'. While this reveals that such a scene does happen, it doesn't reveal when, where or in what context, so there is still a lot of surprise. However, never ever talk about the part where the banana learns that his father is a sperm whale, or that the game ends with Danger Mouse summoning the Custard Mite of Glut. Players will absolutely hate you for that. When in doubt, don't spoil.

    In general, there are two approaches to reviewing: One is, you can just breakdown the individual elements and do them as a sort of pro and con list. If you're doing this, you might want to write down the cons first. Human beings have a penchant for being negative, so writing the cons first allows them to get the bile out of their system, and so they're a lot more fair and forgiving when it comes to the pros (by contrast, if you write the Pros first, you'll be tempted to always disclaimer them. "This part was good, except for...")

    If doing a Pro and Con list, while you should write the cons first, you should present them second. That is, always arrange your document so that the reader will see the cons after the pros, even though the cons were written first.

    The second way to do a review is my favorite: Describe the game mechanics for a bit, then just give your honest feelings, go into a ranty-rant if you must. When doing this style of review, I find that there's one rule of thumb: If you hate a game, butter it up in the first half of the review and then tear it down in the second half. If you really like a game though, then talk about its flaws first thing and spend the rest of the review gushifying about it.

    No matter what style of review you use though, one thing to remember: CLARITY. If the reader doesn't understand what you're saying, then you've just wasted his time.

    Attaching a score at the end is completely optional, and in fact Yahtzee has made a good argument for why its honestly kind of silly. For this reason, I give Hypothetical Game Example 2 a well-deserved 8 out of 10 for banana-ey goodness. Peace."

    That's how you write a review.

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    Pac-Man (Level 10) RCM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by riderpool View Post
    true on IX and to answer i do these reviews for another site. despite asking on other sites no one wants to proof read my work which makes me want to better myself. i still cannot remember how my their/there works but since starting my spelling has gotten better but i still sometime blur the the games and accidently put the m after the g.
    Is it possible to provide a link to the other site? I'm curious to see your other critiques.
    I don't want you to hate me, I want you to want to hate me - GamersUniteMagazine.com

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    Insert Coin (Level 0) riderpool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RCM View Post
    Is it possible to provide a link to the other site? I'm curious to see your other critiques.
    I use the handle gamefanstv over there
    pc games
    http://mod5569.com/index.php/forum/124-pc.html

    360
    http://mod5569.com/index.php/forum/1...360-games.html

    wii
    http://mod5569.com/index.php/forum/126-wii.html

    and 2 articles i did

    RE game mods
    http://mod5569.com/index.php/forum/7...evil-mods.html

    and my best and worse of the year
    http://mod5569.com/index.php/forum/7...-the-year.html

    also i am not a decent writer. This I know. i jsut do this as a hobby for my friends mod site. the only payment i get is knowing someone read my review and to me that makes me feel better than money can
    I believe in a thing called DIVORCE

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    Crono (Level 14) Custom rank graphic

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    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond Dantes View Post
    Has any Final Fantasy game been good since part seven?
    Despite the opinion of the op, Dirge of Cerberus and Final Fantasy 10-2 are good games. I'll agree entirely that the storyline sucks for both games, but the gameplay is really what makes the game, the storyline as long as it's bearable gets the job done as long as there's good gameplay to back it up.

    For Final Fantasy 10-2, forget about the terrible storyline. The gameplay is some of the best the series has ever had. The dress sphere system may turn some off, but it's just a way to change classes mid battle since FF10 had the enemy type weaknesses that you may need to take advantage of. It's just like FF3 and FF5 as you can change out of battle as well. FF13's gameplay is a failed attempt at recreating FF10-2s gameplay it seems to me.

    There's also Crisis Core. It's got a fairly good storyline that gets worse a third of the way into the game all the way up to the end then is ogod again at the very end(as it's a longer version of what happened to Zack in FF7.) As for gameplay, the easiest way to describe it, even though it's much slower and not nearly as good, is a decent attempt at the Tales or Star Ocean series.

    Mega Man X6 is good.

    And yes. I agree. Final Fantasy 13 is garbage.
    Everything in the above post is opinion unless stated otherwise.

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    I enjoyed playing FF10-2 despite it being the most girly RPG since Rhapsody.

  18. #18
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    I thought FF 13 could be summed up with the following.

    Have your party run towards the camera in incredibly long tunnels, stumble into random (and not so random) battles + typical JRPG story for 35 hours.
    Because it makes no attempt to be great, it is therefore extremely great.
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    FF 13 could also be summed up with the following:

    Lesbians.
    "I am way too lesbian for that shit."

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