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Thread: Man Bites Machine [Popular Science]

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    Default Man Bites Machine [Popular Science]

    Gainesville, IL: James Barton's words to the police included "It was coming for me" and "It had a life of its own" but there were no words for the carnage Barton wreaked on his 2-bedroom apartment in the Middleton section of Gainesville earlier today.

    "I tried to reason with it" he said, still quivering from what police describe as a battle between man and machine in a tiny apartment. "I tried to use the electric knife but that backfired".

    What he meant was that he cut his own arm while apparently fending off an attack by his own kitchen appliances. This event simply marked the conclusion in what Barton's apartment neighbors call "a strange man who finally snapped". Barton, 33, has reportedly been seen holding an axe while shouting at a street light, and in 2006 was fined for a disturbing the peace misdemeanor involving a hair dryer and a simple electric toothbrush.

    Barton's neighbors called the Gainesville police department at 7:52AM when the sounds of buzzing and "clanging metal" were reported by multiple parties. Police arrived 20 minutes later to discover Barton squatting victoriously in a strange war-like position, as if having recently defeated a savage beast. Police could only find a small modern toaster near his feet, broken to pieces.

    There was little more information given to us, but detectives promise to provide further details as they are uncovered.
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    This is the best thing I've ever read. I love this guy.

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    This is what the news will be like the first time a zombie is taken down too, only with more arrests.

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    Yeah, it's funny if the guy is crazy but can you imagine, what if he was right? Remember Maximum Overdrive? But then he wouldn't have been able to use the electric knife, either.

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    Well he did say using the electric knife backfired.

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    What a poor little toaster...



    I bet he just wanted to be friends.
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    This reminds me of the Futurama episode where all the electronic appliances were attacking people, this all may be adding up to something.

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    That MOM is in control of all things mechanical?

    Possibility is infinity! You must be satisfied!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Push Upstairs View Post
    That MOM is in control of all things mechanical?
    What was the name of that movie I saw in the late 90s about a house some kid won that had computers built in to it to do cleaning and similar tasks? I can't remember the name of it!
    Last edited by Slate; 04-01-2008 at 10:47 AM.

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    The first thing I thought of was Maximum Overdrive too! This guy might not be insane, he might be a future prophet of the machines taking over in a Matrix/Terminator type way. If I were his neighbor, I'd go to a toy store and buy a bunch of those remote control toy robots, get a few people together, and send them charging at him when he goes to get his mail. Just for laughs.

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