The Games of 2016

[digitalpress]

The story in The Onion that Sniderman posted earlier today did a pretty good job at parodying the direction of video games.

Example:
Younger children, he said, salivate upon seeing Level One of Zonic Fugue. In it, Zonic, the indigo-colored son of Sonic The Hedgehog, faces off against Chuckles The Echidna in a Terrordactyl sky-joust, attempting to earn the Ankle Rockets he needs to gather the five Chaos Sapphires that, when combined, form the master key that opens the Melody Dome.

Now then. CREATE YOUR OWN. Give us your example of the "stereotypical game" as it might appear in the not-too-distant future. Consider both how far we've come in the past 14 years and how technology will progress by 2016. Let's see how creative you can be.

[digitalpress]

Final Fantasy XXX^2 (by SquarEnix): Guide Jeremeeron through hundreds of locales ranging from mystic enchanted castles to murky swamps to deep space! He must solve puzzles and defeat dangerous monsters en route to solve the "Ultimate Secret of the Espers" and win the heart of his childhood love... who has a secret of her own! Packaged with Vibra-Johnson (tm) peripheral and KY^2 Jelly. Note: this game is a remix of 2003's popular Final Fantasy X-2 but with the Vibra-Johnson (tm) and 2016 cutting-edge graphics.

[buttasuperb]

Super Mega Street Fighter 3 Deluxe 19th Strike Maximum Force Edition - Now with 7 versions of Akuma, 5 versions of Ken, and a whopping 9 version of Ryu, including the new Super Duper Evil Murderous Killing Spree Ryu.

[michael]

Grand Theft Auto: Pluto
Since 2002 the Grand Theft Auto series has brought forth many spin offs involveing many city's, planet.... real and fake...
Now we're going to see what Alien blood really looks like.

[Sniderman]

Anthony Hawk III, Global Pro Hoverskater - Picking up where his great-grandfather left off, players assume the role of pro hoverskater Anthony Hawk III as he astro-thrashes his way through 127 levels of hoverskating action. Using Trilinux shading and Cerebraloc (tm) technology, programmers have captured the feel of Hawk's "skillz" as he drops out of low-Earth orbit and proceeds through his hoverboarding tricks. (Including the "Slang-jango 1080-degree Parappa" that won him the Gold Medal in the 2012 Olympic Games in Boise, ID.)

[Cafeman]

Madden 2016!

Anatomically correct hair! Same great gameplay as ever! 240 fps with a Terabyte of textures pushing 55 billion polygons per second!
Use your cell phone headset to control the full team at once!
Play as Classic Teams such as the unbeatable '09 Steelers!
New this year -- EA Madden's Special Coaching Challenge! You've been hired to to coach the horrible Browns (pick years 2000 through 2015) and get them to enter the playoffs!

[Goodwill Hunter]

Mortal Kombat: CSI...

For those tired of endless, repetitive battles...now you can administer the ultimate finishing move by carefully searching bloody battle scenes for clues and bringing the killers to justice! Start with simple evidence bag moves and work your investigator up to devastating DNA/fiber analysis/Ultraviolet flashlight combos! Work your way through the entire criminal underground until you have the OJ-proof evidence you'll need to bring down "The Boss".

"Hey, look over here...see how the head has been completely severed from the body, yet the entire spinal cord is attached and intact...this can only be the work of one man!"
Coming Fall of 2016 from CBS Games.

"GET OVER HERE...YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!"

Rich

[IGotTheDot]

Activision classics 2016

Featuring
Tony Hawk 1 - 15
Kelly Slater's Pro Surfer 1-11
Matt Hoffman's BMX 1-3
Shaun Palmer's Snowboarding 1 and 2
Shaun Murrys Pro Wakeboarder 1 and 1.5
Big Game Hunter 1 -97
Spiderman 1-23
Venom 1-20
all on a Sony Compact memory stick

[YoshiM]

The Legend of Zelda: Of Space and Time

A Dark Wizard, following in the footsteps of Ganondorf, has stolen the Triforce and the Ocarina of Time. Using these two powerful artifacts, he is beginning to change the flow of time itself to his will. Link must begin a chase through space and time itself, gathering clues to the whereabouts of the Dark Wizard by using the power of an ancient relic known as the Tymond. Using the Real Time Clock in your Nintendo unit, the game world lives on even after you turn the deck off! When you play is what time of day it is in the game! Witness the surrounding change with animation that rivals today's cartoons, all through a first person view.

[digitalpress]

Marvel, Capcom, SNK, and X-Men vs. Digital Press (by DP Industries, Inc*): Attempt to wrest control of the universe from the mighty Digital Press Collective using a multitude of "heroes" from yesteryear! Can Wolverine topple Arcade Antics? Would Chun Li give Achika a decent fight? How would the so-called Mega Man fare against arch-villain digitalpress? As difficult as it is to imagine that any DP Universe character would fall after the great takeover of 2003, this IS just a video game! Anything is possible, no matter how preposterous! So line up the "heroes" and send an army of 'em up against Sniderman... who knows what could happen in this strange virtual world?!

*brought to you by DP Industries, Inc, where mutant powers are generally considered silly parlor tricks.

[Kid Fenris]

Bubsy 4-D -One of the least beloved mascots of an age long past is back in this wondrously faithful sequel to Bubsy 3-D. Called out of involuntary retirement to stave off a Woolie invasion, Bubsy must travel through time and destroy his fearsome foes by preventing their genesis as well as his own. Thanks to the power of the PlayStation 5's temporal processor, Bubsy 4-D actually allows players to travel to the past and erase the fact that Bubsy was ever created! Live out the fondest fantasy of anyone who ever played a Bubsy game in this miraculous new title from TimeWorks!

Lunar: The Silver Star Story Legend Saga Ultimate Final Complete Collector's Edition -Experience a cherished epic unlike any other in this superlative remake of the classic RPG that enchanted gamers on the SegaCD, Saturn, PlayStation, Gameboy Advance, NeoDuo, PlayStation 3, Pulsar, Selectica, PlayMan, Gamate X, GameBot, and PlayStation 4. The story, gameplay, and in-game graphics remain largely indistinguishable from the original, but entirely redone animated cut-scenes ensure that players will enjoy Lunar even more this time around than they did with its previous twelve incarnations. Included in this special edition are ten Lunar action figures, eight separate remix albums of the game's soundtrack (including Fatboy Slim's "Boat Song" cover), a 348-page strategy guide, an official Lunar laser assault carbine, and a genetically engineered pet mini-dragon, all packaged in a 2017 Beretta-Volkswagen Hover Beetle proudly bearing the Lunar logo! This timeless adventure is brought to you by Working Designs, a subsidiary of Vic Ireland is Your God and Master Enterprises. Coming Summer 2023!

[Cafeman]

"Videogames return?"

(Reuters 3/12/2016) "Remember Video-Games? Sure you don't -- everyone who played them was killed in the Iraqi nuclear holocost in 2003. But recently Scouts have discovered in a NJ house basement many of these antiquities. After re-activating the sole surviving 2 systems, Scout Leaders Simba and Mufassa proclaimed "videogames are really horrible wastes of time! We have tried all the games which still function, and although the EarthWorld game has its moments, the E.T. game is hardly fun. How did people control this "James Bond 5200" game with this stick?!". Due to the disappointment, no further "videogame retrievals" are planned.

(Cue Twilight Zone tune)

[Phosphor Dot Fossils]

Bear in mind...you did ask. (Big image alert.)



Everything old is new again. (Recompressed so it's not 150K. I forgot, my workstation here at work is set to compress 0% most of the time. Sorry.)

[digitalpress]

That's great! I love phoney cover art. We need to have a PhotoShop contest soon where everyone tries to reproduce packaging for a phony game.

[Phosphor Dot Fossils]

I'm up for a photoshopping contest. p433r me, for I have the power of the Associated Press Graphics Bank at my disposal. :P



Ribbeting, isn't it?