My latest essay is devoted to the first, great multiplayer classic, Warlords. A game played incessantly back in the day, with games that end in friends punching each other and throwing Doritos. If there was any classic game that demands online multiplayer, it's Warlords.


Warlords




Enjoy this excerpt:

"The players are slowly taken down, one by one, until the final two remain. All our nerves are fried; our shoulders are bruised from repeated punches - I told you not to look, that's two! - and friendships have been taken to the breaking point. But now there's only two left, and two other amateur ghosts who keep missing the ball. It's moving too fast. Veering one way, bouncing against the corners.

"The friend playing blue catches the ball, and holds onto it. Both castles are completely gone now, wasted. It all comes down to who can make the perfect shot. He bobs and weaves with his shield, trying to throw Purple off. Left. Right. Dodge. Run back. Gotta make this shot count.

"He lets the ball loose. We ghosts hold our collective breath. Purple is too far away. This could be the end!

"But Purple does make it, barely, and knocks it against the far corner. It hits my ghost shield, bounces off the far wall, and flies straight into the heart of Blue's king. Ka-Boom!!

"It's all over, and the last man standing is...

"Your little sister. She's only six and she won? Dammit!

"Whaa-! I'm telling! Mommm! He sworrrre!

Uh-oh. We're in trouble now. Good thing the babysitter's outside and can't hear."