eBay in -Samus- ty: Now with extra foolishness

[MankeyMan]

Ok, I think the fact that I started my post with a pun means I haven't got a chance, but what the hey.
This idea first came to me when I was watching this programme about holidays in the axis of evil, when I thought of the worst place to actually go on holiday would be videogame-wise. And I came up with this:

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.d...tem=3012333701

I think it speaks for itself, and it took me a long time to do the plane ticket at the bottom, what with only being mildly profficient at computery stuff in Paint.
It is also a little dig at the people who criticised Metroid Prime's control system, just so I could tell them what I thought, but hey, they'll be the foundations of my next house.
So there you have it, vote yes to death, loneliness and excruciating pain.
And if you vote no, I'll send some Space pirates after you.

Watch out for more trips into videogameland, with a whistle stop tour of Hyrule, and the key to Princess Peachs castle.

[MankeyMan]

Update
I have received the following questions from confused eBay bidders.

One way ticket to Planet Zebes

so...errrrm....what are you actually selling...??
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Question from: detrunks
Title of item: One way ticket to Planet Zebes

************************************************** *

I'm totally bemused by this auction. What is it that you're actually selling -
or is this all purely to mess with my head?

Cheers,

Luke.
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Question from: addanc
Title of item: One way ticket to Planet Zebes

I sent the following message to both of them in response:

We are selling exactly as the auction states. A one way ticket to Planet Zebes, as featured in the highly popular Metroid series.
However, as of yet, Planet Zebes hasn't technically been discovered, and the ticket may be substituted for something the cost of its price as approximated by us, which is a one way ticket to Southgate from Cockfosters on the London Underground.
We thank you for your query, and would like to know how you came across our auction, and whether you have advertised it elsewhere, such as an internet message boards,
yours faithfully,
Mr. Aran
CEO Metroid Travel

[MankeyMan]

I have received a response from detrunks, and it goes like this:

Subject: Re: Question for seller -- Item #3012333701
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 2003 17:47:27 +0000

So you're not selling a stimulated kind of ride - it is actually the REAL thing. I mean, I'd be happy with the stimulated ride from the current metroid prime. I managed to find your auction by browing the intergalactic travel pages. I haven't bothered advertising your enterprise as apparently travelling to the planet 'dinosaur' is more in fashion.

Regards,
Ahmed AKA 'Peppy'

Needless to say, I shall not reply to a person who is not interested in bidding on my auction, and would rather travel back in time.

[MankeyMan]

I have received a reply from 'Luke' and a brand new query from a certain 'longhairmike.'

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your kind information. Until now I have always relied on large quantities of illegal drugs to take me to another world, but now for the paltry sum of £0.99p I can achieve the same effect without running the risk of major organ failure.
However, I think I shall await the discovery of the planet Zebes before bidding on your auction as I do not actually live in London, so the alternative item would be of little use to me (although I guess I could use it as roach material whilst smoking the aforementioned illegal narcotics).
As to how I came across your auction, it was purely by accident. I had meant to type in "Way to plane a zebra" into the search engine (I'm into carpentry and taxidermy so decided to combine my two passions), but in my drug-addled state hit a few wrong keys and hey-presto!
I have not advertised your auction elsewhere as I would prefer to have as little competition as possible for the tickets at the time when Zebes is actually discovered (it can only be a matter of time).

Felicitations,
Luke.

I gave him this reply:

Mr. Luke,
Nonsense. Drugs are a much safer way of transporting yourself to another world than by going on this trip. And as for using the aforementioned London Underground ticket for the inhalation of narcotics, well, that practice shall be severely frowned upon by this company, especially when you could use old London Underground tickets.
I also request that you explain the meaning of roach material, according to my earth language databanks roach is the shortening of the word cockroach, of which I should severely hope you are not using in your illegal substance. Especially as my earth information databanks tell me that cockroaches are in fact your unquestioned leaders.
This notion of planing zebras also puzzles me. How can a mere carpenter whom occasionally dabbles in the ancient sacred art of taxidermy possibly have the expertise necessary of inserting a plane into a zebra. You human beings are rather odd.
Sources close to me also indicate that the discovery of Planet Zebes shall occur within at least 7,309 earth years, so you shall have to wait no time at all to go on the trip mentioned in your reply,
Wishing you a safe trip back from narcotics,
Mr. Aran
CEO Metroid Travel

A few mere minutes after writing this reply I received this message from what seemed like a rather lazy and bedraggled man:

hey,, i bid in your zebes auction just for fun,, but it's also brought a suprising amount of publicity to MY auctions as well,, because a lot of people who see your auction have clicked on my ABOUT ME page which has all my ebay listings on it, and i sold 3 soundtracks within half an hour of bidding on your auction :P

i know youre going to have to cancel bids and close the auction before it ends to avoid getting hit with ebay fees (especially if a bunch of jokesters decide to bid it up to an insane amount),, but if not, if you would wait till the last day of your auction to cancel it,, the publicity would be much appreciated!! thanks,, and it was a really clever idea too by the way..

-longhairmike

Dear Mr. Hairmike
Thankyou for your response regarding the matters of our ticket to the Planet Zebes. I am however disturbed by your apparent lack of sincerity on your bid. This trip is not for fun or a mere idea, it is to test whether you have the capacity to withstand desolate loneliness, the ability to survive whilst suffering from seering pain in you lower left spine and the courage to face up to the most fearsome creatures known throughout the universe.
In response to the mentioned auctions that you sold, I must ask that you donate 10% of all profits made to the Metroid Travel corporation. Advertising doesn't come free and as a badly run company with withering finances and corrupt executives we must try to squeeze every penny out of whatever means is necessary.
Lastly, I am glad the you have been outbid on this auction, I would fear for the safety of a person who seems to have such a lacklustre knowledge on the use of the english language, especially within the domains of spelling, punctuation and grammar, as highlighted by your email. And although I have not heard you speak, I must say my perceptions of a meeting between us would end with my wifes fist frimly implanted in your mouth.
Wishing you a journey home without people staring and pointing at you whilst shouting "Hippy."
Mr. Aran
CEO Metroid Travel.

I await their responses with a feverish delight.