Here’s a real horror story about the dangers of video game collecting…

I went to my first and last public auction yesterday. A pawn closed down near my job went out of business, and the owner was selling off all of its assets. The pawn happened to be across the street from my office, and there were a lot of games that I had been interested in buying, but the prices were always too high. Everything was split up into lots for the auction, so you had a chance to look at every lot to make sure that you were interested in its contents.

I should also state, for the purposes of this story, that this is a small country town. Not all of Virginia is rural, but there are farms nearby in this particular local area.

I waited for almost 5 hours for them to call up the game items (they were all listed in the 300’s, and the total number of lots went into the 400’s). I had only written down 5 lots that I was interested in, and I won 2 of those, but I’m not even sure it was worth it.

After I won my second lot, a lady who was sitting with her husband and son realized that she had missed the bidding for it. She must not have looked at the picture on the screen because she didn’t even bid against me. No one else did, either. I must also add here that she had bid against me on other lots of game stuff that I considered to be unimportant (3 yellowed SNES consoles with no cords, a lot full of loose Genesis consoles, and a box full of cords).

I should also add here that the woman and her husband had won a shotgun at the same auction only a few hours earlier...

When she found out that she had forgotten to bid against me on the second lot I won, she became enraged. She yelled, “If I’m not getting them damn PlayStation 2 games, I’m not paying for any of this s***!” Then, she batted a few of the folding chairs around, knocking them over. The auctioneer stopped calling for a moment, and he yells, “Lady, calm down, everybody out here is trying to get good deals!” She told him to shut up and she started shrieking at the top of her lungs. Then, she walked over to her son and said, “You little s***! I’ve been out here for 4 hours because of you and them damn games!” (Maybe I should also mention that this woman and her husband were rednecks, probably the gun-rack owning, Confederate-flag loving types. It’s weird because the husband had a glazed look in his eyes, like he had just finished a Mason jar full of moonshine.) She shrieked and knocked over more chairs and then ran off.

A few minutes later, she runs over to me while the bidding is still happening. She tells me that I am going to give her those PS2 games. I told her that she needed to back off or I was going to pull out my cellphone and dial 911. I reminded her about her previous behavior and all the witnesses that were standing out there who saw her lose it. She told me that she and her husband would be waiting for me after I paid for my lots.

When I went inside through the back door to pay, I told the people inside that she had threatened me and that everybody saw her go nuts after she missed her opportunity to bid. Then, I told them that they were either going to let me out the front door or I would call the police to have them escort me out safely. I told them that I hadn’t come to their auction to deal with this kind of crap and that they should have had adequate security. When I turned around, the crazy woman was coming through the back door. A lady who happened to be the pawn owner’s wife let me pay and take my boxes out the front door. The crazed redneck woman was shouting something as I ran out the door.

I quickly ran across the street with two full boxes of videogames. My car was parked in my company’s parking lot, so I dashed around the corner. I threw the boxes into the passenger seat, got in on the driver’s side and sped the hell off. I must have done 40 mph on a residential street to get out of there. I swear I heard the fast part of “Dueling Banjos” playing in the back of my head all the way down the highway…

Anyway, here are the contents of the 2 lots I risked my life for:

Lot 1 - $10
Einhander (PS1, complete) – this is why I wanted the lot since both Gamestop and EB sell this game for $29.99 used
PGA Tour 98 (PS1, complete)
Rescue Mission (Master System, complete)
Midnight Raiders (Sega CD, complete)
Cliffhanger (Sega CD, complete)
Bill Walsh College Football (Sega CD, complete)
Ground Zero Texas (Sega CD, no manual)
Double Switch (Sega CD, loose)
Sewer Shark (Sega CD, loose in case)
Sewer Shark (Sega CD, loose in case, not for resale)
Sol-Feace (Sega CD, loose in case)
NBA Action (Saturn, complete)
Striker ’96 (Saturn, complete)
Beauty & The Beast (Genesis, complete)
Jeopardy: Deluxe Edition (Genesis, complete, former rental)
Cal Ripken Jr. Baseball (Genesis, complete)
NBA Jam (Genesis, complete)
Madden 97 (Genesis, complete)
Madden 98 (Genesis, complete)
NBA Live 95 (Genesis, complete)
College Football (Genesis, complete)
Joan of Arc DVD (loose in case)
A River Made to Drown In DVD (sealed)
Sweet Dreams: The Story of Patsy Cline DVD (sealed)
Totally Rosie: The Comedy of Rosie O’Donnell DVD (sealed)
Shaft’s Big Score DVD empty box

Lot 2 - $10
loose Durabrand portable CD player
original size Xbox controller
Boxy Boy (Turbo-Grafx 16, loose in case)
Mario Clash (Virtual Boy, loose)
Vertical Force (Virtual Boy, complete)
Hot Shots Golf 3 (PS2, GH, missing manual)
NCAA Football 2005 (PS2, loose)
Orphen (PS2, complete)
Smuggler’s Run (PS2, non-GH, complete)
SSX Tricky (PS2, GH, complete)
Super Bust-A-Move (PS2, complete)
Tokyo Xtreme Racer Zero (PS2, complete)
Enter the Matrix Ultimate Codes disc for PS2
FIFA Soccer 2002 (PS1, just the case)
Madden 2002 (PS1, complete)
Namco Museum Vol. 1 (PS1, loose)
Pro-Pinball (PS1, complete)
Sim-City 2000 (PS1, GH, missing manual)
WCW/NOW Revenge (N64, loose)
Ultra Gameplayer’s June 1998 PC Demo
Madden 2002 (PC, complete)
original Game Boy (missing battery cover)
Mad Catz battery pack for original Game Boy
a group of smaller unidentifiable carts, possibly for a portable (titles are Earth Defender, Final Combat, P52 battle, Hero Hawk, Pac-Boy & Mouse, Eagle Plane, Aichi, Jaguar Bomber, Challenge Tank)

Did I get a good deal? I’m still alive…for the moment.

I’m more pissed that I missed my chance to bid on a Turbo-Grafx 16 system because I wanted to live…