You know...I hate doing it in the same year. Let alone twice. But once again I am doing a review a review without finishing the game and for good reason.
You see, for some reason even I cannot understand. Certain things are so boring they can put me to sleep. The Twilight films for example. Now this will not turn into a rant against them, I can understand that the books might appeal to some, I even read the graphic novel and found it decent, but the movie just bored me to the point my head started hurting.
I state this since Duke Nukem Forever feels like I am playing it forever. In fact the only reason I am writing this review is cause the game dropped in price down to 20 dollars on amazon for pc (16 for digital version) and I am here to say this to you...the millions...OK 10s of people reading this.
Don't.
Do not buy this game. This is bad. This is lower than Calling. I never thought I would say that ANY game was lower than Calling. I would rather play Final Fantasy XIII, I would rather play Saw. Fuck, I would rather be playing Calling...Dear god when a game sucks enough for me to want to be playing a game like Calling.
There are many reasons why this blows chunks. First let me get to one of the biggest reasons why this sucks.
This game took over 13 years to make...Lets look at games that finished in its dev time
The first halo trilogy
The Call of Duty WW2 tour
3 main Final Fantasy games
The Lord of the Rings trilogy
The Harry Potter book series!
Do you realize how sad it is that so many things finished in the same dev time? At that point I had my hopes so low that I hoped something good would happen. Well its almost a full page in and I have not even got into the game itself. First off the graphics look...shit. Not bad, not good. Shit. With a game that had a long dev time I thought the game would look ok.
The fact that even the girls make anime characters look realistic makes me realize I could have DL'ed bible black and got a better girl. The water effects however do look ok, as it does have a nice shine to it. The level design reminds me that I should go play Rainbow Six or Call of Duty to get better level designs. You know what had great level designs? Halo Reach. You know what I want to play right now?
HALO REACH!!!
The sound design also annoys me. The music is generic sounding and if one more person praises Duke Nukem I will personally castrate them. Male or female I just dun care at this point, I will castrate you or rip your uterus out so your stupid children do not flood the planet. I would say the weapons sound ok but they do not! They sound annoying with the pistol and shotgun being the only guns that sounding decent and not as annoying with the ripper making my ears bleed.
The gameplay...ugh. This is where my boredom really starts. I never thought you could fall asleep playing a game. The reticle is too small and the aim is off for many weapons. There are no options to change the reticle which makes me want to break the game disc. Be lucky your a rental. The driving control is broken and makes me want to play jet moto. Now your saying to yourself, hey Duke Nukem got humor so its got to be good right?
...Go to the corner, NOW!!!
The humor is fucking moronic. I enjoy humor, I even enjoy stupid humor. So lets look at 3 moments I noticed that were 'funny'
1.Duke sees some SPARTAN Mk 6 armor and says that power armor is for pussies (Let's remember in the time of DNF development 6 halo games came out on Xbox and Xbox 360.)
2.This is a double header. There is a pair of twins called mary and kate holsom...do I need to to tell you the joke? I think any pervert waiting for their 18th birthday knows the joke. The second part involves a guy yelling at a person on the set of a talk show and saying he is unprofessional...dear god.
3.They make fun of Dom in Gears of War...I'm no mans man but you do NOT MAKE FUN OF A GUY WITH A GUN THAT HAS A CHAINSAW!!! Also, do not insult Gears of War.
These are not funny. Psychonauts is funny. Shadows of the Damned is funny. This?
This is immature. Duke Nukem may be the most recent game I have reviewed but this is also the worse game I have seen in 2011 and might end up on my worst of 2011 list.
Rating:Avoid...or I will kill you
All iWant
David Phillips
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