HEY!

What are you looking at, peon? Don't bother telling me if we've ever met before - I don't bother remembering shave-skin, pinhead norms like you. What's that? You don't know how great I am????? Lemme tell ya, bub-o, and you better listen up real good!

First, I'm not a hero, SUPERhero, or anything of the sort - I'm the blue bahomet, pure and simple. Worship no other, and think of me if I let you tuck in tonight. Just kidding - it's totally cool! Unlike those jealous cultists over at the plumber's shop, I'm here to force everybody to agree - being EDGY is cool! Whoa, I just turned some monsters into fluffy bunnies! EXTREME, DUDE. I'm an awesome rebel and that means making everybody at Sega USA wear really stupid shoes, manufacturered by our friends at Swumco International (made in lovely Indonesia...man, nothing gets me running fast like that hot Tails Satay)! Don't even think of pirating my games or even importing copies of Shining Force because, even though I'm a totally radical rebel, I retain a highly professional and sizable in-house counsel on IP matters.

Second, about my speed. Talking about it would be slow and slow bores me! I'm fast, because something about my system has to be. Programmers here gotta love that 68000 assembly...they're "gluttons" ...for speed! Oink! (RANDOM PIG NOISES) How did they do it? (MORE RANDOM PIG NOISES) RADICAL NEW COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY (c. 1979)

And last but not least, my hair. It's...well, I'd like to see you get a perm with disc brakes and blueberry pies and see it come out just one sixteenth as fractionally fabulous!

And now you better start buying my shit. See ya in the Vid-Game Heroes Graveyard, Suckers! Hey, don't you try to put moves on m-

[19:95] Sonic took a ride on Ranger's rocket.
[19:96] Ryoko Hakubi: I'll be taking that, thanks.
[19:97] Sonic: AGH MY BLOODIED SKULL WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY HAIR.

And then Sonic was a robot.