I would like to add to recorderdude and scaleworm that I am truly sorry for the situation you both grew up in and can completely empathize with both of you.

I'm a police officer and see on a daily basis how mental illness, drugs, etc... affect children. Most of the children believe that it's normal behavior from adults as it is all they know. Everything I do in those situations is for the kids, they are my only concern since they are the innocent bystanders forced into a situation that they have no control of.

I hope you both have sought help if not now at some point in your life. Seeking assistance is not a sign of weakness but strength and self-awareness of the situation you had forced upon yourself. You need an outlet and a safe way to work through the problems your childhood has caused you. It’s ok not to be strong and “ok” all the time and opening up in private to someone who do not know on a personal basis can do wonders for you.